What did the monster say when he saw a rush hour train full of passengers? Oh good! A chew chew train!
I was running to catch a train yesterday, but just as I was approaching it...
I realized my net wasn't big enough.
Got a couple of railway buffers going cheap. It was an end of line sale.
Where do crabs and lobsters catch their trains?
King's Crustation.
What kind of ears do trains have?
Engineers.
What do you call a train that sneezes? Achoo-choo train.
What do you call a locomotive with a cold? A choo choo train.
Never liked the troll who lives under the local railway bridge. He’s my arch enemy.
I’ve always liked one-liners. That’s why I’m a fan of monorails.
How long does it take for electricity to travel the length of a 10 car train?
It all depends on the conductor.
What do you call a train loaded with bubble gum? A chew-chew train.
How do locomotives hear? Through the engineers!
Ticket inspectors. You’ve got to hand it to them…
Why are the railroad tracks angry? Because people are always crossing them.
How can you tell a train just went by? A. You can see it’s tracks!
New electric trains will run on conductors.
What happened to the man that took the 5 o’clock train home? He had to give it back!
Why did the Mexican train robber rob the train?
Because he had a loco-motive.
Why are ghosts no good at running a railway? A. Because they can’t even put on a skeleton service!
Did you hear about the boy who had to do a project on trains? He had to keep track of everything!
What did Train say when they visited a sibling in South Korea?
Hey, Seoul Sister!
Went to a railway fancy dress party. Everyone was wearing platforms.
Went to a railway fancy dress party. Everyone was wearing platforms.
Some local engineers took a train for a service, but the vicar said it was blocking the aisle.
A train track and a motorway walk into a bar. The train track says “a pint for me, please, and one for the road.”
If you walk along a railroad track you may soon feel run down.
A friend got to the final of the local model railway competition. He lost on points.
First time hunters were arguing over which kind of animal tracks they had found when they were hit by a train.
Those who steal trains must have a loco–motive!
Why can’t the engineer be electrocuted? Because he’s not a conductor!
Why should you never trust a train? They have loco motives.
What is as big as a steam locomotive, but weighs nothing? Its shadow.
How do you find a missing train? Follow the tracks
I know someone who tried to runway after camouflaging a railway. He tried to cover his tracks.
I don’t want to drive you crazy, but I do have a loco-motive
A friend of mine quit his job as a reporter and left town by railway. It was an ex-press train.
Why don’t elephants like to ride on trains? Because they hate leaving their trunks in the baggage car.
I was so embarrassed when my wife found me playing with my son’s train set that I threw a blanket over it.
I think I managed to cover my tracks.
What did the Mama Steam Engine say to her Baby Steam Engine at supper time? “Choo choo!”
My boss said to me, “You are the worst train operator ever. How many trains have you derailed in the past year?”
I said, “I’m not sure. It’s so hard to keep track.”
What do you give a train driver for Christmas? Platform shoes!
What kind of a car does a crazy man drive? A LOCOmotive.
I just quit my job as a train driver a few weeks ago.
I can't help but feel that my life has gone off the rails since.
The school teacher tells you to spit out your gum, while the locomotive says “Choo Choo Choo!”
Why did the train have bubble gum? Because he wanted to go Choo Choo
I am on the train and a light just came on saying the toilet is engaged.
Congratulations, toilet!
I saw a guy on the train holding a newspaper in front of his face.
He was behind The Times.
Did you hear about the man who sat next to his clone on the train?
He was beside himself.
I've always wanted to become a podiatrist, but was made to train as a paediatrician first.
Baby steps.
Why did the monster eat the caboose? The locomotive told it to choo choo.
Why didn't the conductor know what to do when he found that his train was missing?
He wasn't trained for this.
The US army secretly trains pigeons to help overthrow hostile foreign governments.
It’s a military coo.
I asked a train engineer how many times his train had derailed. He said, “I’m not sure, it’s hard to keep track.”
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