What happened to the patient who refused to get a much-needed transplant?
He had a change of heart.
The nurse made my heart skip a beat
It was fine after she plugged the life support back in.
My mate Gavin passed away from heartburn last week.
Still can’t believe Gaviscon
Someone asked me to sing a line from "Don't go breaking my heart"
I couldn't if I tried.
When it came to tilling his garden by hand, he put a lot of heart into it.
He was gung hoe.
I wish that I could be the coronary artery of my wife so that I would be wrapped around her heart.
What does a pirate with heart failures need?
Anti-arrrrrrrrrrhythmics.
Are you a locksmith? Because you hold the key to my heart.
Why didn’t the skeleton scare the trick-or-treaters on Halloween?
He didn’t have the heart.
How did the cardiologist figure out what she wanted to do with her life?
She just followed her heart.
I heard a heart wrenching story recently.
A car mechanic became a cardiac surgeon.
This year, my brain and my heart are Valentines to each other.
What do you call it when a cardiology student flunks out?
Heart failure.
When my girlfriend told me she needed time and distance, my heart almost stopped,
Fortunately, she was just calculating velocity.
A golfer had a heart attack and died on the way to the hospital. He was on a fairway to heaven.
What did the heart say to the brain before an exam?
You look nervous.
You’ve stolen my heart. I hereby place you under cardiac arrest.
Why didn’t the skeleton feel like patching up his broken ribcage?
His heart wasn’t in it.
I heard about a football player who had a heart attack and collapsed on top of his opponent.
He was dead on a rival.
I can heartly wait to see you again.
Honey! I know this can be a bit cheesy, but you will always have a big pizza my heart.
Her ex-husband had a heart attack after winning the lottery
But he'd neglected to update his will. She just couldn't bereave her luck!
That girl must be a premature contraction as she makes my heart skip a beat.
You wanna know the way to my heart?
A scalpel and a bone saw.
You know, the heart’s the hungriest organ.
It has the heartiest appetite.
My first girlfriend was a tennis player but she broke my heart.
It was like love meant nothing to her.
Scientist are shocked after discovery of a new african bee species that can keep on flying even after their heart stops.
Local tribes in fear of a zombee apocalypse
What's the quickest way to a man's heart?
His chest.
Did you hear about the bear with the bad heart?
It went into kodiak arrest.
Someone just asked me to sing any line from "Don't go breaking my heart."
I couldn't if I tried.
Bonnie Tyler has released a video all about cardiology.
It’s totally clips of the heart.
Nurse: Here’s our list of donor hearts and livers in alphabetical order.
Doctor: wow. Looks very ORGANized.
You’re my sweetheart, and I’m so pumped about that.
Two blood cells can meet and fall in love with each other, but it is all in vein.
I had a birth defect where they had to relocate my heart
I guess you could say my heart wasn't in the right place.
What do we call two birds that are in love?
Tweet-hearts!
What vegetable lives in your heart?
Beets.
Why did the pianist have to be rushed into surgery after his latest performance?
He played his heart out.
What has a head but no body, a heart but no blood, leaves but no branches and grows without wood?
Lettuce
The Mad Hatter and the Queen of Hearts had a rental agreement
A lease in Wonderland.
What kind of car did the heart surgeon drive to work?
A beater.
I aorta tell my wife how much I love her.
A man who makes tie dye shirts was trying to borrow money to expand his small business. While filling out the paperwork, he had a heart attack and collapsed, spilling bottles of colored dye all over his documents.
The poor man dyed a loan.
Every time I see my vegetable girlfriend, my heart just beet faster.
I gave my heart to a girl from Great Britain.
She turns around and Brexit into a million pieces.
What do you call someone who loves dark beer?
Stouthearted.
One or two hours warm my heart,
But 24 hours make my day.
I have a heart-on for you.
You’re my heartthrob.
"I have a joke about hearts, but I don't think you will get it."
"Why?"
"Because it is an inside joke."