What kind of letters did the snake get from his admirers?
Fang letters.
What do you give a sick snake?
Asp-rin.
What do you call a snake that is 3.14 meters long?
A pi-thon.
Why should you never throw a snake like a boomerang?
Because it’ll come back to bite you.
Have you heard about that socially awkward chef that only cooks with snake meat?
I’m pretty sure he has Asp burgers.
What do you get if you cross a snake and a pig?
A boar constrictor.
How do venomous snakes kill their prey?
In cold blood.
A sheep, a drum, and a snake fall off a cliff.
Baa dum tssssss.
What do you get if you cross two snakes with a magic spell?
Addercadabra and abradacobra.
What is a snake’s favorite dance?
The Mamba.
"Doctor, doctor, I keep thinking I’m a python."
"Oh you can’t get round me like that, you know."
What does an exhibitionist snake wear to the beach?
A pythong.
What medication does a snake with hay fever take?
An antihissstamine.
What is a snake’s favorite TV show?
Monty Python.
Why do snakes always measure in inches?
Because they don’t have any feet.
Which are the best mathematicians amongst the snake family?
The adders.
What do you call luggage made of snakeskin?
Ex-hiss baggage.
How does a snake shoot something?
With a boa and arrow.
What do you call a snake that is trying to become a bird?
A feather boa.
What do you get if you cross a trumpet and a serpent?
A snake in the brass.
A woman tried to order an exotic snake online, but was surprised to find that when the package arrived, it contained only feathered scarves.
How do you get yarn out of a snake?
Wait until it sheds its skein.
Why did the viper, viper nose?
Because the adder, adder hankerchief.
I invented a device that can stop a snake in its tracks.
It's made of asphalt.
What did one python say to the other before they made a deal?
Let’s “snake” on it.
Looks like the boa cons-tricked her.