What does an exhibitionist snake wear to the beach?
A pythong.
How does a snake shoot something?
With a boa and arrow.
What do you get if you cross a new born snake with a basketball?
A bouncing baby boa.
What do you call an important English snake?
Sir Pent.
What is a snake’s favorite subject in school?
Hisstory.
What did one python say to the other before they made a deal?
Let’s “snake” on it.
What do snakes do after they have a fight?
Hiss and make up.
What do married snakes have on their bath towels?
Hiss and Hers.
Why was the mother rattlesnake sad?
The time had come for her children to strike out on their own.
Why should you never throw a snake like a boomerang?
Because it’ll come back to bite you.
What is a snake’s favorite TV show?
Monty Python.
Who is a snake’s favorite actor?
Humphrey Boa-gart.
What do you call a snake with no clothes on?
Snaked.
What do you get if you cross a bag of snakes and a cupboard of food?
Snakes and Larders.
Why did the viper, viper nose?
Because the adder, adder hankerchief.
A woman tried to order an exotic snake online, but was surprised to find that when the package arrived, it contained only feathered scarves.
Why don’t snakes drink coffee?
Because it makes them viperactive.
What do you get if you cross two snakes with a magic spell?
Addercadabra and abradacobra.
What do you get when you cross a snake and a plane?
A Boeing constrictor.
"Doctor, doctor, I keep thinking I’m a python."
"Oh you can’t get round me like that, you know."
What do snakes use to clean their car windows?
Windscreen vipers.
A sheep, a drum, and a snake fall off a cliff.
Baa dum tssssss.
What did the snake give to his wife?
A goodnight hiss.
What do you call a snake that is 3.14 meters long?
A pi-thon.
Looks like the boa cons-tricked her.
What do you give a sick snake?
Asp-rin.