What do you call a snake that builds things?
A boa constructor.
Why should you never throw a snake like a boomerang?
Because it’ll come back to bite you.
What medication does a snake with hay fever take?
An antihissstamine.
What is a snake’s favorite TV show?
Monty Python.
What do married snakes have on their bath towels?
Hiss and Hers.
Who is a snake’s favorite author?
William Snakespeare.
"Doctor, doctor, I keep thinking I’m a python."
"Oh you can’t get round me like that, you know."
Did you hear about the snake who wrote a love letter to his girlfriend?
He sealed it with a hiss.
How does a snake shoot something?
With a boa and arrow.
What do you call an important English snake?
Sir Pent.
What kind of letters did the snake get from his admirers?
Fang letters.
What do you call luggage made of snakeskin?
Ex-hiss baggage.
What do you get if you cross a new born snake with a basketball?
A bouncing baby boa.
Which are the best mathematicians amongst the snake family?
The adders.
What do you call a snake who works for the government?
A civil serpent.
What does an exhibitionist snake wear to the beach?
A pythong.
What do you get if you cross a snake and a pig?
A boar constrictor.
What is a snake’s favorite dance?
The Mamba.
How do venomous snakes kill their prey?
In cold blood.
What do you call a snake that informs the police?
A grass snake.
How do you get yarn out of a snake?
Wait until it sheds its skein.
Why do snakes always measure in inches?
Because they don’t have any feet.
What do you call a snake that is 3.14 meters long?
A pi-thon.
Why was the snake mad at the jewel thief?
Because he wanted his diamondback.
Why was the mother rattlesnake sad?
The time had come for her children to strike out on their own.
What do you give a sick snake?
Asp-rin.