What do you call a magician nut?
“An individual who is able to turn into a nut.”
What is the best type of nut for your home wall decor? A walnut.
Where do the best kola nuts come from? Kolafornia.
What did the guest say when he arrived at the peanut butter’s dinner party?
“Nice spread!”
What do you call a nut on a Wheelchair?
“A busted nut.”
Which nut is the worst for your diet?
Donuts.
How do you catch an elephant?
Act like a peanut.
Why did the peanut take everything off its wall? It didn’t want any walnuts.
What type of nut do you find in the toilet?
A pee-nut.
What did the peanut say right before taking an exam? “I walnut fail!”
What happens if a cashew falls down your shirt?
It becomes a chestnut.
The students were going nuts when they saw all the assignments due in the curri-kola-m.
I got over my addiction to chocolate, marshmallow, and nuts.
I won’t lie, it was a rocky road.
What eats nuts and bolts?
A squirrel that’s running late.
What nut is broken?
“A silly nut”
Where’s the best place to find out information about pistachios?
The inter-nut.
What did the mama nut say to her son?
“If I ever cashew doing that, I walnut be happy.”
The police have been interrogating the walnut for several mi-nuts now. It’s a tough nut to crack!
Where can you find the best nuts in London? Nut-tinghill.
Why was there peanut butter in the middle of the road?
It went with the traffic jam.
Things don’t always pine out the way we want them to, but we can-nut give up!
Which nut is worth the most?
A cash-ew.
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Butter.
Butter who?
I butter nut tell you.
What do you call a nut who loves the game of chess?
A chess-nut.
What do elephants drink on vacation?
Peanut coladas.
What did the nut tell itself before crossing the finish line? “I pe-can do it!”
Who named their daughter Macadamia?
A couple of nuts.
What do you call an emotionally unstable peanut? Peanut brittle
When the peanut eating diet patient gained weight he went to his doctor to complain. The doctor asked him what he had been eating. The patient said he was eating what his doctor recommended, a nut-rious diet.
What do you call a nut with a hairy upper lip?
A mustach-io
For our anniversary, I gave my girlfriend a picture of me inside a pistachio. But that’s just me in a nutshell.
When is the peanut butter due to arrive?
In a Jif.
What did the peanut say to the cashew after their argument?
Imma cashew outside!
What is everyone getting for completing No Nut November?
“Nuttin”
What’s a nut’s favorite Shakespeare line?
“To be or nut to be.”
I have no problem getting dates online. I’ve also had luck with almonds, cashews, and walnuts.
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Cash.
Cash who?
No thanks, I prefer walnuts.
What competition do nuts participate in?
The peanut butter cup.
What do you call a group of nuts? A nut
Walnuts are hard to crack open. It can take several mi-nuts.
Where do squirrels go for fun?
The acorn-ival.
What happens to a nervous nut?
It cracks.
Why did the boy leave his chestnuts in the rain?
He wanted them rusted.
What’s a nut’s favorite scary movie?
The Creature from the Black Legume.
What do squirrels eat at the fair?
A-corn dog.
ALDI grocery stores have announced their new store brand peanuts.
ALDI’s nuts.
That cola syrup is made by squeezing a kola nut.
That was soda pressing.
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Walnut.
Walnut who?
I walnut tell you. It’s a secret.
What did the nut say to his girlfriend at the pine-ic? “I am nuts about you, cashew see!”
Why did the squirrel go to kola-nary school? Because it had pines to be a chef.