What sound does a nut make when it sneezes?
"Cashew."
Where can you find the best nuts in London? Nut-tinghill.
Where’s the best place to find out information about pistachios?
The inter-nut.
What do you call an emotionally unstable peanut? Peanut brittle
What did the peanut say right before taking an exam? “I walnut fail!”
What happens if a cashew falls down your shirt?
It becomes a chestnut.
Why did the squirrel go to kola-nary school? Because it had pines to be a chef.
I have no problem getting dates online. I’ve also had luck with almonds, cashews, and walnuts.
I got over my addiction to chocolate, marshmallow, and nuts.
I won’t lie, it was a rocky road.
What is the wealthiest nut ever?
“A cashooo.”
Mr. and Mrs. Peanut finally got married and tied the nut.
What do you call super expensive shoes?
Cashews.
What is a popular name for girl peanuts?
Michelle.
The cashew called the peanut boring.
The peanut felt very unsalted.
Which type of nut goes to outer space?
An astro-nut
What did one nut say to the other?
“Cashew later.”
What’s another name for a chess-nut? A nut who loves chess.
Where do the best kola nuts come from? Kolafornia.
What do the peanuts and walnuts have in common? They are both nuts.
What nut is broken?
“A silly nut”
What did one nut say to the other nut when it was chasing it?
“I’m gonna cashew!”
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Peanut.
Peanut who?
Peanut butter open the door!
ALDI grocery stores have announced their new store brand peanuts.
ALDI’s nuts.
If you are what you eat, does that mean all squirrels are nuts?
Who named their daughter Macadamia?
A couple of nuts.
What do you call a nut on a Wheelchair?
“A busted nut.”
Which nut is the best at playing tag?
Catch-yous aka cashews.
The nut stayed c-almond and collected during the earthquake.
Where did the nut keep his money?
In his cash shoe.
What do vets call a paralyzed squirrel? A busted nut.
What is the most popular valentine among nuts? The one that says “I’m nuts for you.”
What do you call a nut that is crazy about exercise? A health nut.
Which nut is worth the most?
A cash-ew.
What did the nut say when it caught on fire? Roast-nuts, almond fire!
What makes nuts healthy? They have many nut-rients.
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Cash.
Cash who?
No thanks, I prefer walnuts.
What is the angriest nut?
Pissed-aschios
Why is peanut butter a bad secret keeper? Because it tends to spread it and not keep it.
Who answers the door at the peanut mansion?
The peanut butler.
Why didn’t the mom peanut give her children a nutty chocolate bar? Because the sugar makes them bounce off the wal-nuts.
Who answers the door at the nut house?
The peanut buttler.
What did the kid nut say to the other when playing tag? “I’m going to cashew”.
The mama nut told her children to kick off their dirty cashews before stepping into the house.
A friend asked what an acorn is. I said, “In a nutshell, it’s an oak tree.”
If you put ice cream on the nutty brownie, you’re serving it ala-mond.
Why doesn’t the squirrel accept cash or credit at his store? Because it only accepts cash.
What eats nuts and bolts?
A squirrel that’s running late.
The walnut got in trouble for pecan through the window.
The farmer went nuts because he was told it’s more profitable that way compared to other crops.
I had one nutty nightmare last night, it gave me a kola sweat.