Why was the guy looking for fast food on his friend? Because his friend said dinner is on me.
Where do the best kola nuts come from? Kolafornia.
"Personally, I like people who peach on time, and are always punctual," said the strawberry.
The jam bank went bankrupt because of the series of strobberies in the last quarter.
Having pineapple on a pizza is quite like going down on a cousin: It might taste good, but something is not right.
Q: Why is a carrot orange and pointy?
A: Because if it was green and round, it would be a pea!
A truck with an entire load of strawberries has crashed on the motorway. It's caused a real traffic jam.
What did one bread lover say to the other?
Before I break down and rye, I want you to know that I loaf you.
When I refused to have the soup, my sister said "People who do not have soup are stew-pid".
Why did the lettuce stop dating the mushroom?
He though she was a pretty fungal, but didn't have mushroom on its schedule.
How do you make an apple puff? Chase it round the garden.
What do you call a frozen frankfurter? A Chili dog.
Did you hear about the policeman who tried to make love to a bacon slicer?
He had a tip off.
The strawberry went out with the grape only because he couldn't find a date.
Did you know, you can actually hide a gigantic elephant in a cherry tree? All you need to do is paint its toenails red. I bet you don’t believe me – but have you ever seen an elephant in a cherry tree? I rest my case.
Why did the birthday cake go to the doctor? Because it was feeling crumby!
The guilty conscience of stealing and consuming a whole peach is getting to me. I feel like there's a pit in my gut.
The innocent blueberry got easily framed for the crime because the evidence was a strawberry plant.
Which vegetable is the most qualified?
Qualiflower.
Why did one melon break up with the other melon?
“He didn’t know water problem was.”
Vegans really have a beef with meat.
Why are watermelons, such good entrepreneurs?
“They always have seed money.”
What does the watermelon say to its girlfriend on Valentine’s Day? – “You are one in a melon!”
What did the nut say to his girlfriend at the pine-ic? “I am nuts about you, cashew see!”
Why are acorns bad at telling jokes? Because they tend to be acorn-y.
I burnt my Hawaiian pizza.
I should have used aloha temperature.
What do you call a male orange?
Mangerine!
I felt like telling you the joke about a strawberry jam on a piece of bread, but I won't. You might go around spreading it.
What cheese cries the most?
Babybel.
Someone told me I looked like a salt shaker. I took it as a condiment.
A cable TV installer walks into a bar and orders a beer.
The bartender says, "You'll be served sometime between 7am and 2pm."
Why does the yogi meditate under the citrus tree?
Because it’s a sub-lime spot.
What was the main job of the bread truck? To haul buns.
Hap-pea-ness is when you and your friend are like two peas in a pod.
This might sound corny, but I think you’re a-maize-ing.
Don't drink too much coffee after breakfast. You might face a latte problems.
What do you call a cow that has 1 leg? Steak
Everyday for lunch I like to eat two pears, and my dad knows this.
One day I saw him dropping two pears into a bunch of brown paper bags.
“What are you doing?” I asked him.
“Preparing.”
Why did the Oreo go to the dentist? Because it lost its filling
If you are wondering about a peach's favorite video game, well it's definitely 'Super Princess Peach'.
I was sitting in the toilet at Taco Bell and it reminded me of my divorce.
It was extremely messy and involved a lot of paperwork.
What did the Catholic Nectarine Priest say to the church? Peach be with you. It was a normal thing to hear from the pul-pit.
What kind of a key opens a banana? A monkey!
What does bread say to a friend after doing them a favor?
It’s the yeast I could do.
What do you call a cup of leaf juice that doesn’t want to be a dad?
Absent-tea parent.
Why is ice cream so bad at tennis?
They have a soft serve.
Have you seen that awesome video of a Koala drinking tea high up in the trees?
It’s super high Koala-tea
I introduced chocolate to milk. They did a chocolate milk shake.
What do sailors drink when they gather at a tavern to commiserate?
Port whine!
What's the manliest fruit to eat?
Mango.