What do you call a watermelon that spends all day at the beauty spa? Must be a hottermmelon.
Don’t ask me why I love wine. I have my rieslings.
What happened to the pig who liked pineapple? He turned into a porky-pine!
Where’s a donut’s favorite vacation spot?
The Sahara dessert!
People who use sleeping bags in the woods are soft tacos for bears.
Which language do oranges use to speak to each other? Mandarin.
Did you see the movie about the hot dog? It was an Oscar Wiener.
What do you call an onion who decides to be very eco-friendly in its approach? You name it a green onion.
Where were the first orange trees planted?
“In Orange County.”
How do you spell banana? E, V, I, L. Do banana's drink coke or pepsi? Neither, they drink blood because they're evil.
Yesterday I went to the store for only 2 items, a rising crust pizza and a strawberry cake. Fortunately they were relatively light, so bringing it home was a pizza cake!
Why didn’t the pecan go to the ballet?
It was afraid of the nutcracker.
"Alcohol you later."
Why do we enjoy wine jokes?
Because they're de-vine!
What did the daddy potato say to his son before his soccer game? I’m rooting for you!
She got fired from the hot dog stand for putting her hair in a bun.
What's in a honeymoon salad?
Lettuce alone
What do chickens serve at birthday parties?
Coop-cakes!
What do you call a person who spends a lot of time sitting and staring at potatoes? A medi-tator.
How do you say “four avocados” in Spanish?
Um, avo-cuatro?
What do you call a male orange?
Mangerine!
What do you call it when someone hits avocados repeatedly with a hammer?
Gu-whack-a-mole-e.
What do you call a cake that likes heavy metal? Megadeth by Chocolate.
What happened when the onion tried to cross the bridge guarded by Gandalf? Gandalf shouted, "You shallot pass this bridge!"
Why are bread puns the greatest? They never grow mold.
Did you hear about the audio drama about peas?
It’s a pod-cast
What did the worm want to do when he grew up? He wanted to join the Apple Core (Corps).
Did you hear? The pilgrims rode the May-Flour so that they could bake bread as they went to America. This is a cute option.
What did the Mama Hot Dog say to the little frankfurter? Ketch-up! Why did the blonde put a sweater on her hot dog? Because she wanted a chili dog.
What do you call a group of men waiting for a haircut? A barbercue.
Why did the baker keep putting too much flour in the bread? Because he was a gluten for punishment.
I've been hitting the bottle pretty hard recently.
Still can't get the last of that ketchup out.
The young woman decided to become a professional baker. She realized that it could help her earn her bread and butter.
ALDI grocery stores have announced their new store brand peanuts.
ALDI’s nuts.
I recently read a book by an onion which had opened up on its life. Midway through the book, I started crying.
What did the boy say when his mom made him prepare the corn for supper?
This shucks!
All the contestants at the pig Olympics were very happy with their prizes. They each won pork medallions.
"Everything happens for a riesling, right?"
I asked the pianist if he could play the Chick Pea Song.
He said, "Maybe. Can you hummus a few bars?'
I think it’s funny when I ask girls whether they would spit or swallow my seed if I was a watermelon. Unfortunately, almost all of them reply not in a hundred melon years.
I mashed a few mangoes, pineapples, melons, strawberries, and grapes into a pot. Served the mash to guests visiting my place.
Called the dish, Mea Pulpa.
What did the skeleton order for lunch? Spare ribs!
What do sailors drink when they gather at a tavern to commiserate?
Port whine!
The apple says to the pineapple “What? Go out with you tonight? It will not happen in a million years!” Since then, we have a crushed pineapple.
What cheese should you use to hide a horse? Mascarpone.
The soup that she cooks is so thick that the kitchen would go around when she stirs it.
Why didn't the green pepper practice archery?
Because it didn't habanero.
What Christmas carol do candy bars sing? Almond Joy To The World.
The oranges hadn’t been peeling well for a week when they finally decided to seek medical attention.
You and I make a deluxe combo.