What do fruits do when they are really really afraid? They run away as fast as their legs can cherry them.
Why couldnt the pumpkin have kids?
He had a halloweener.
What do prison tennis matches and strawberry jam have in common?
Cons-serve
What do you call juice with no ice in it?
Ju.
Did you hear about the guy who put little G.I. Joe soldiers at the bottom of his coffee cup?
He’d heard that the best part of waking up is soldiers in your cup!
What is a cow's favorite deli meat? Bull-ogna!
I’m a wrapper, so I get a lot of dough. A bread wrapper, that is.
Did you hear about the CEO that got fired at the dairy farm? He was skimming a little bit off the top.
What kind of wine do they serve at the horse races?
Chardon-neigh!
If you search for pictures of corn on Google you'll only get stalk pictures.
What do you call referential cheese?
Feta.
What did the glass of wine say to the beer?
Nothing... They barley knew each other.
How can you spot a fashionista donut?
They’re into all the latest glazes.
After I show a peach the way, it says: “I really ap-peach-iate your help!”
If fish is brain food, what do dumb people eat? Noodle soup.
When does a hot dog have a close shave? At the barber-cue!
Dad Ordered Taco Bell
Asked how many Dillas come in their Ques 'a Dillas
What is the difference between a pineapple and a school bus? The little pricks are on the inside of the bus, but on the outside of the pineapple.
Which sports team do wine lovers always root for?
The Reds!
What is everyone getting for completing No Nut November?
“Nuttin”
Why did the giant use clouds to make pancakes? To make them light and fluffy.
What's a baby gherkin's favorite TV channel?
Pickleodeon.
I was throwing oranges at tropical birds. One of them caught one then said: “Toucan play that game”
What did the Soup Nazi say to the canine? What Soup Dawg.
Why were the kids throwing flour and bread at their school? They wanted to rise to the occasion.
I introduced chocolate to milk. They did a chocolate milk shake.
What did the Catholic Nectarine Priest say to the church? Peach be with you. It was a normal thing to hear from the pul-pit.
What do you get when you put Cola in an oven?
Baking soda.
Why do Communists only drink herbal tea? Because proper tea is theft.
A cable TV installer walks into a bar and orders a beer.
The bartender says, "You'll be served sometime between 7am and 2pm."
The baker just felt this incredible knead to make bread. That’s certainly the truth.
What is a potato’s favorite baseball team? The New York Yamkees
You have two cows, but only milk one. Your friend asks you…
"What about the udder one?"
If tomatoes are a fruit
Then ketchup is a smoothie.
What cheese should you use to hide a horse? Mascarpone.
Why did the farmer decide not to buy an extra phone? It was because he already had one for onion rings.
What do you call 2 fruits that can't get married?
Cantelopes.
What is a hair stylist's favorite steak? A flat iron!
What do you get when you spill soup on a comic book? Souperman.
Did you hear about the cow that committed murder? It was in cow-ld blood! How dairy.
Why’d the lettuce blush?
It saw the salad dressing.
My peach friend shaved for the first time the other day, he looks like a nectarine!
My wife was trying to feed our son a pear, and he was refusing.
I said, Good news. Our son is immune to pear pressure.
If my Hindu girlfriend thinks I'm going to eat Indian food, she has another think cumin.
What did the M&M go to college? Because he wanted to be a Smarty.
I seem to have run out of tea...
What a catastrotea.
Why did the cookie monster rob the keebler elves? Because they had a lot of dough.
I saw a joke about chocolate bars but it wasn’t that funny So I just snickered.
What do you call a socialite made of cheese?
Paris Stilton.
What do you call a mislabeled orange juice container?
Pulp fiction.