If an apple a day keeps the doctor away, what does an onion do? Keeps everyone away.
This is a taco and burrito conversation.
Nachos.
What nut is broken?
“A silly nut”
When the orange started peeling, he was glad it was finally cutting some weight.
How do you know when guacamole has gone bad?
When it turns guaca-moldy.
What did mutter say to paneer? Tu cheese badi hai mast mast.
I used to sell loose onions
Until I got the sack
What did Yoda say when he turned a patron away for ordering a pie?
“Dough. Or doughnut. There is no pie.”
My wife was trying to feed our son a pear, and he was refusing.
I said, Good news. Our son is immune to pear pressure.
Why is the pickle container always open?
Because it's ajar.
The chocolate couple decided to rent a two bedroom sweet for their summer honeymoon.
What do you call an apple that's been around the world? Johnny Appleseed.
Which nut has won the World Cup the most times?
A Brazil nut.
My son's asked for a strange Christmas present this year. It's really cheap though so I don't mind.
I'm not sure why he wants an eggs box though.
Did you hear what happened to the cheese after its breakup?
It got provolonely.
In the 1970s, hippies loved going to a Grateful Dead concert and getting toasted. That’s certainly the truth.
Udon even know how to cook this udon recipe. Fortunately, I can teach you.
It is a bad film because good ones tend to have created atop day-old soup.
Fish taco says why don't you want to taco about it And the nacho says cause I'm nacho friend.
What do you call a group of cows that are on top of a hill? High steaks.
What did the coffee lover name his son?
Joe, obviously.
What did the caffeine addict name his cats?
Cream and Sugar.
My best friend said we're like two peas in a pod. I'm confused, there's only one P in pod.
What is a cow's favorite deli meat? Bull-ogna!
What do you call a barking pumpkin?
A gourd dog.
You know what they say about when life gives you melons?
You might be dyslexic.
Q: Why were the two green pea plants so close?
A: They had deep roots.
Knock Knock.
Who’s there? Donut. Donut who? Donut ask, it’s a secret!
Why did the man put the cake in the freezer?
Because his wife told him to ice it!
Bananas, for breakfast, are such an a-peeling choice.
"Wine a little, laugh a lot."
What did the judge say at the finale of the meat throwing competition? The steaks have never been higher!
Why was the potato put in an asylum? It was starch raving mad.
What did the Mexican heavy metal guitarist say to his bandmates?
“Rock out with your guac out.”
Why did the boy leave his chestnuts in the rain?
He wanted them rusted.
An inspirational speaker came to speak at the fruit stand today. He told us to peach for the stars.
When the little boy was baking a cake why did it run away? Because it said crack 2 eggs then beat it!
"Be kind, re-wine."
What happens to a nervous nut?
It cracks.
What do ghoul scouts hope to achieve by selling halloween cookies? They hope to make a good first impression.
Have you seen that awesome video of a Koala drinking tea high up in the trees?
It’s super high Koala-tea
What is the cherry fruit's favorite American talkshow? The Cherry Springer Show of course!
I've been on a real hummus kick lately, so as I came home from work tonight, my sister says to me "You're always bringing home hummus now." To which I replied, "Hummus where the heart is!"
What’s the difference between England’s football team and a tea bag
A tea bag stays longer in the cup.
One of the most courageous souls in the world is anybody who looks at a pineapple and thinks that “I bet I would eat it.”
The next person that asks me for pineapple juice, cranberry juice, lemonade, and a slice of orange all in the same glass is gonna get a “punch.
What is a donut’s favorite day of the week?
Fry-day.
Did you hear what happened when the decorator painted his wife with cheese? He double Gloucester!
Teacher: What are the seasons? Student: Salt, pepper, ginger...
No one laughed at my soup puns. I said "When I crack a soup joke, everyone is soup-posed to laugh".