One should always practice what they peach.
Since her parents wanted to become wealthy fast, they ensured their daughter had an orange-d marriage.
Where did the onion find his family history?
In the archives
He ordered 6 vodkas, 6 beers and 6 lemonades. The bartender asked if he would like a tray.
"No I have enough to carry as it is."
What’s a potatoes favorite horror movie? The Silence of the Yams.
A skeleton walks into a bar and asks the bartender for a beer and a mop.
What do you call a baby lion on lettuce?
Cub Salad.
"Are you sure about this?"
"Crust me, I'm on a roll."
I allow myself only one donut per year.
This morning I had 433 B.C., 1731, and 1952.
Why did the teapot get in trouble? Because he was Naught-Tea.
The watermelon thief was charged with robbery with violence, but the judge later changed that to a minor felony; or melony as he put it.
What did the guy at the party say when he realized there was nothing left to dip his tortilla chip in?
“I’ve hit guac bottom.”
Cherries are actually great at a lot of different sports. Their favorite one, in case you were wondering, is archerry.
The fruit bat ate the orange because of its appeal. It had such a nice color.
Join us and let’s make pizza cheese grate again.
When is a vegetable also a nut?
When it’s a corn!
Did you know that if you poured salt on a cat's tail it will fall off?
It's true! And if you pour pepper on a cat's tail, the pepper will also fall off.
What do you call a cow with a twitch? Beef jerky.
A berry funny strawberry candy is called a Laffy taffy.
What do two cherries say when they get married? I promise to cherry-ish you forever.
If Megan Fox is a cake, then what is Amanda Bynes? A fruitcake.
What do cherries say to their best friends? You are cherrific!
What do you get if you cross a lemon with a dinosaur
Tyrannosourest Rex.
What did the fruit bowl say when it saw Santa Claus come down the chimney? We wish you a cherry Christmas!
Did you hear about the elusive skating watermelon thief? Not really, the only description they got was a Caucasian melon wheels.
Why are cherries unassuming? Because they often get made into humble pie.
Why did the dairy farmer go on a diet? She wanted to cheddar a few pounds!
What did the pepperoni say to the cook?
You wanna pizza me?
How did the cheese professor start class every day?
Oh queso…
How did the avocado feel after a day at the gym? Hard core.
Did you hear about the love affair between sugar and cream?
It was icing on the cake.
When potato chips don’t sell fast enough, the maker knows it will soon be crunch time.
If you coriander into my tomato soup, you will give me a soup-herb dish.
I miss you! I’ll see you tater!
For the last few Sundays, I have been receiving an onion pun in the mail. I don't know who is sending them. Guess it is onionymous.
What did the perverted pumpkin use for his pick-up line?
Hey gourd-geous! Wanna go back to my place and squash?
What kind of salad do termites eat?
House salad
I like you a latke!
What did the M&M go to college? Because he wanted to be a Smarty.
Last night I dreamt I was swimming in a sea of oranges. I guess it was just a Fanta-sea!
Why did the daddy peach teach the child peach to shave? He was starting to grow peach fuzz.
It was the pie piper who had led the strawberries to the bakery.
when I smelled breakfast in the morning it was bacon me eggcited.
Milk aliens have landed. They said 'take me to your litre'.
What do you call Chewbacca with chocolate stuck in its fur?
chocolate chip wookiee.
What was the Peach's favorite surf band from the 60's? The Peach Boys.
What do you call real bacon?
Genuswine
Some people think anyone who sells meat is gross. But, people who sell fruit and vegetables are grocer.
If you want to wish a 'Merry Christmas' to a strawberry, just say, "Straw-berry Christmas!'"
Do you know why do the hipsters burn their tongue? It is because they eat their soup before it gets cool.