I was surprised at the number of onions needed for this dish- it calls for shallot of onions.
How do you share a piece of cheese with a bear?
Caerphilly.
What do you call a spinning potato? A rotate-o.
What is a Malaysian chocolate factory called?
Oompa Lumpur
I yam rooting for you my sweet potato and I won't mash your heart
I waited over an hour for my cappuccino and when it arrived there was too much milk and not enough coffee. Still, better latte than never.
Did you hear about the guy who opened up a store where they only sell Swiss cheese?
It’s a hole business strategy.
Why is pumpkin pie so much better than sweet potato pie?
Sweet potatoes are ungourdly.
Why was the chef surprised that anyone like her bread?
She thought it was crumby.
What is a cheese lover’s favorite track and field event?
The curdles.
Have you heard the one about the lemon cat?
It was a real sour puss.
I like you a latke!
What did the coffee say about its late assignment? Better latte than never.
I found my son sleeping in a pile of peas. May he rest in peas.
Who answers the door at the nut house?
The peanut buttler.
Why did the man put the cake in the freezer?
Because his wife told him to ice it!
What do you call a chicken with a piece of lettuce in its eye? Chicken Caesar Salad
How does the serial killer like his coffee?
How he likes his women—all ground up.
What does a cherry say when it delivers bad news? Don't fruit the messenger.
Where do you store peach juice? Inside of a peach-er.
What did the piece of Cheddar say to the ghost? I'm Lac-ghost intolerant
Went to a German restaurant. The beer was fine,
But their sausage was the wurst!
The two slices of bread decided to leave the bakery. I heard that they wanted to grow mold together.
I recently read a book by an onion which had opened up on its life. Midway through the book, I started crying.
Why did the hipster burn his tongue? Because he ate his soup before it was cool.
What do cherries write in love letters? I miss you cherry-bly.
I think therefore I yam.
I mashed a few mangoes, pineapples, melons, strawberries, and grapes into a pot. Served the mash to guests visiting my place.
Called the dish, Mea Pulpa.
Who did the Caribbean jerk fall in love with? The Spice Girl next door.
When the egg saw the pan, it was terri-fried.
Tony, where do I even starch? I yam so happy we’re best spuds!
What do you call a serial killer watermelon? A slaughter melon.
Why did the lemon like the orange? He’s not from concentrate.
What is a ghost pirate’s favorite kind of tea?
Boo tea!
Why are you eating a banana with the skin on? Oh, it's all right. I know what's inside.
What did the guy at the party say when he realized there was nothing left to dip his tortilla chip in?
“I’ve hit guac bottom.”
Why did the hipster burn his lips?
He ate his pizza before it was cool.
Digital burgers are nothing but processed meat.
The young loaf of bread ended up getting fired from his job because he kept loafing around. Poor guy.
What does a good spice rack help you win? The Hunger Games.
What did the lemon juice say to the baking soda?
Ya basic!
I dressed up as bacon for halloween.
To say the least, i was looking pretty CRISP.
If tomatoes are a fruit
Then ketchup is a smoothie.
When you mix a salt and water, you get a solution. When you mix a salt and battery, what do you get?
Arrested.
What's a cow's favorite moosical note? Beef-flat
What happens when you buy too much ice cream?
Breyer’s remorse.
Did you hear about the farm dog who liked to strip ears of corn?
He was part husky!
The hotdog severely fell behind in school which is why he has to ketchup.
Husband: "These pears a perfect right now."
Me: "Would you say they're 'pear-fect'?"
What do you say when a fruit wins the talent show? How about them apples?