What's a pickle's favorite book?
To Dill A Mockingbird.
Why don't cows have any money? Because farmers milk them dry
I just hear that the woman who lives next door and loves fruit died. I hope she would rest in peach.
What’s the difference between England’s football team and a tea bag
A tea bag stays longer in the cup.
What is a cheese lover’s favorite track and field event?
The curdles.
Which actor is now being quarantined for Swine Flu? Kevin Bacon
I rarely put orange slices in my beer.
Once in a Blue Moon.
What is the healthiest fruit?
“An orange. It takes Vitamin See!”
My friend thought ketchup didn’t exist
So I told him to check his sauces.
What do you drink with the Queen of England? Royal-Tea.
The tiny bag of flour got in trouble, so his mother sent him to bread early. He kneaded to be punished.
When an unripe strawberry saw the ripe strawberry, it went green with envy.
Why did Eve want to leave the garden of Eden and move to New York ? She fell for the Big Apple !
My local restaurant recently lost out on an entire order of the best local beef. No one has herd what happened to it.
What sound does a nut make when it sneezes?
"Cashew."
Did you hear about the pear that fell off of the tree and fell to its death?
The damage was irreparable.
You really ate dog meat? How was it?
.... ruff
Who is the corniest baseball player of all time?
Ty Cobb!
What did the annoyed peach say to the mango?
Man-go away!
What did Gorgonzola say to Cheddar? Lookin' Sharp.
What’s an orange’s favourite animal? An orange-utan.
Remind your kids not to overdo it on the pumpkin pie this time of year.
Or they might get autumn'y ache.
My girlfriend was seasoning the soup. I asked, "What spice is that?", and she replied "Sage".
I said, "Sounds wise".
Q: How do you make a blueberry?
A: You strangle a pea.
The mama nut told her children to kick off their dirty cashews before stepping into the house.
What’s the only fruit that never gets lonely?
A pear.
Thanks to you, I’m saddled with unnecessary peelings.
Did you hear about the lemons that got sick?
They got lime disease.
Did you hear about the pea pod that became damaged?
It had to wear a pod cast.
What time do ladies drink wine?
At Wine O'Clock.
What is the left side of an apple? The part that you don't eat.
Sir, did you realize the consequences of naming your son Taco Cheese?
"No, but I have grate expectations."
What’s a pizza maker’s favorite song?
Slice, Slice Baby
What wisdom did the daddy cheese pass down to his son?
A curd in the hand is worth two in the bush.
My wife looked at me and said “You think you’re pretty sharp, don’t you?”
I had thought of a lot of good bread puns, but they seem to have gone a rye. I know the feeling.
What do you call an overly cautious cup of tea?
Uncertaintea.
Forget about watermelons, I heard having a windmelon your property is the best way to get clean and renewable electricity.
What do you call who has been electrocuted? You call it anion.
Our daughter eats her corn one kernel at a time.
She's a unicorn.
Why don’t cows drink artificial milk? It’s too pow-dairy.
What did the deer say to each other when they were trying to solve a difficult problem? This is such a deer-lemma!
What do you say to an avocado who’s done a good job?
“Bravocado!”
One day, tamarind, curry and ice were crossing the road. All of a sudden they heard a gunshot. Then, tamabrind ball, curry duck and ice-cream!
What did the steak say to his enemy? I have a T-bone to pick with you!
What word backwards can predict the future? Cookies (Seikooc as in psychic of you say it).
"Chardonnay or should I go?"
What do you call juice with no ice in it?
Ju.
What is a Malaysian chocolate factory called?
Oompa Lumpur
How do two cherries make up after an argument? They cherry the hatchet.