Why was the burger sad after losing the race? Because the hotdog was the weiner.
What do you call a magician nut?
“An individual who is able to turn into a nut.”
Why did the orange get insurance?
Zest in case.
What do dogs love to eat for breakfast?
woofles
All potato puns are pomme de terrible.
What happens after you eat an entire gallon of "All Natural" ice cream? You get Breyer's remorse!
The cheap baker only paid his employees a flourly rate. Cheapskate!
I recently got a new job as a golf caddy, but I was fired after less than an hour.
The guy asked me for a sand wedge. I don't think he likes pickle.
Why should you bake bacon on an asteroid on its way to Earth ?
It's meteor.
My mom is really soup-rised at the outcome when she puts yeast in the broth.
When is the peanut butter due to arrive?
In a Jif.
Why was the man holding a bottle of ketchup? Because it was raining cats and hot dogs.
Why was the meat packer arrested? For bringing home the bacon.
It's Taco Night, so on my way home, I grabbed a bag of shredded cheese at the store, queso we needed some more.
.
what does a female corn do when she likes a male corn?
she corn-fesses.
Chopping down other people’s cherry trees is definitely frowned upon. However, you likely won’t get into too much trouble for it – as long as you keep hold of the axe!
So, how on earth did the police catch the watermelon thief without a solid description? Don’t really know; guess the bloke was acting seedy.
What do you call two banana skins?
A pair of slippers.
Did you hear about the guy who overdosed on curry powder? He went into a korma.
What’s the difference between a delivery driver and the pizza they deliver?
The pizza can feed a family of four.
What kind of eggs does a confused chicken lay?
Scrambled eggs.
Remind your kids not to overdo it on the pumpkin pie this time of year.
Or they might get autumn'y ache.
Why did the fruit run for president? He wanted world peach.
I'm going to start a hummus brand that comes in really difficult to open containers.
It's gonna be called 'hummus posta eat this'.
Why did the orange lose the race?
“Because it got Im-peached.”
What do you call an onion that is very valuable to jewelers? You call it a pearl onion.
I put some salt on my mobile. Now it’s a saxaphone.
Have you ever tried kangaroo meat? I have. It was tasty, but it made me a bit jumpy.
What’s a potato’s least favorite dance? The Mash Potato.
This year I'm carving my pumpkin to look like an intricate ball of rope, so it can be a gourd-ian knot.
Why did the coffee file a police report?
Because it was mugged.
What type of wine is notorious for making you drowsy?
Sauvign-yawn blanc!
What did the coffees say before their night out? Let's stir up some trouble.
The apple says to the pineapple “What? Go out with you tonight? It will not happen in a million years!” Since then, we have a crushed pineapple.
When I was in basic training we couldn't have salt or pepper.
Those were reserved for the seasoned veterans.
How did the vineyard launch the new champagne making business?
They crashed a small boat into it.
How do you celebrate orange drink that doesn't expire?
Woo! Tang is forever!
My banana grandad got in an accident last year, he bruised like a peach!
My father loves eating reams of soup. That is the reason why I think he should be nominated to the Soup – ream – court!
What do you give a horse that has just won the Kentucky Derby? An Appletini.
How do eggs get around?
On a s-egg-way.
What’s an orange’s favourite animal? An orange-utan.
I have a friend who has been diagnosed with a phobia of sausages. She always fears the wurst.
Whenever I feel like wining, I remind myself to put a cork in it.
I hear Jake finally broke up with his crazy grocer girlfriend; never could tell water problem was.
Why is green ice cream so serendipitous?
It was mint to be.
Join us for a slice of fun.
Where did Vegans come from?
Hummus Sapiens
One strawberry said to the other, “Were it not that you were so sweet, you wouldn’t have ended up in this jam.”
Did you hear about the ice cream that went to prison?
They got their just desserts.