What do two tomatoes do after not seeing each other for a long period of time?
They ketchup.
Why can't you tease egg whites?
Because they can't take a yolk.
What do strawberries wear to bed?
Jammies!
What’s the best part of a cow? The topside, of course.
How do you know when a cheese is full of himself?
Whatever you say, he’ll say he is feta.
What did the vegetables say to the Salad Dressing? Lettuce all smile.
“Mom, what do we have for this dinner?” – “I cannot tell you. It is a little soup-prise, son!”
If you're in a food fight, always throw peas. We need to give peas a chance.
I tried buying a car from a religious person and got a lemon!
I suppose you get what you prayed for..
What do you call hot dogs in winter? Chilly dogs!
What’s the healthiest part of a donut?
The middle.
What kind of chips do you eat in the bath?
Shower cream and onion.
What did the orange say when a knife pierced it’s peel? Flesh wound.
What would a peach say to its girlfriend or boyfriend? – “You will always have a peach of my heart, baby!”
I don’t like mangoes. I asked my boyfriend if he thinks they’ll grow on me one day.
He said “I think they can. You just need to be watered properly.”
What kind of cheese makes the best music?
Brieoncé.
I went to my fridge to get some lettuce for my salad
But there was none Romaine-ing.
What kind of nuts come in cans?
Creamed a-corn.
What's green and wears a cape?
Super Pickle.
He apologized for driving the orange to the edge of the blade
The fruit started to stutter as it was suffering from peach deterioration.
My boss accused me of "acting the monkey" at work.
I almost choked on my banana.
What is the best way to cook alligator meat? With a croc pot!
My mother says: “Leave that peach cobbler alone on the table!” However, I cannot help myself and sneak in to watch it making beautiful peach shoes.
What time do ladies drink wine?
At Wine O'Clock.
Did you hear about the pea pod that became damaged?
It had to wear a pod cast.
What do chocolate, men, and coffee have in common?
They’re only good if they’re rich!
If anyone gets a suspicious email from me about canned meat, don’t open it. It’s spam!
What does a pizza wear to smell good?
Calzogne.
What is a cheese lover’s favorite rap artist?
Feta wap.
What did the hummus say to the pita bread when he got sick?
I falafel.
The least favorite day for an orange is a juice day.
"On cloud wine."
My business that sells strawberry juice has gone into liquidation
Why is the corn army so dysfunctional?
Cause there are too many Kernels.
Cows don’t make very good cops. They refuse to go on steak outs.
The easiest way to know that you are eating a bowl of rabbit soup is to take a look inside and find a hare in it.
You might be startled to see a hamburger working out in your local gym. Don’t worry, they’re just there because they want better buns.
So I was standing in the grocery store comparing the prices of a couple packs of hummus when my roommate came up to me and suggest the off brand roasted red pepper kind to which I replied:
"Ya, I'm not really sure about that brand. They seem to be very hit and hummus for me."
He was not impressed.
I can't drink milk. I lactose genes required to digest it.
I tried finding the dairy factory last night, but I had no luck. I must have lost my whey.
What is a cheese’s favorite kind of philosophy?
Epistemology and fetaphysics.
What happens after you eat an entire gallon of "All Natural" ice cream? You get Breyer's remorse!
Why don’t oranges go around blind?
“Because they take Vitamin See!”
Did you know that you can get a slice of lemon pie in Cuba for $1.50, but in Jamaica you can get key lime pie for $1.00?
Those are the pie rates of the Carribean.
Have you heard the one about the lemon cat?
It was a real sour puss.
Have you ever wondered if illiterate people would get the full effects of alphabet soup?
How does the Skywalker family like their tea?
Lukewarm.
Peas excuse how bad this pun is.
Why don't they make ice cream from breast milk? It's an udderly bad idea!