Potatoes that are medi-tators maintain calm and peace even when uprooted.
Why should you live a pineapple life? Because Life is sweet.
I caught my sister click and post a picture of the soupy noodles yesterday. She was actively instagramen.
What did the cherry say when it won its third Olympic gold medal? That's just the cherry on top of a successful career.
Why did the thief steal a pig? Because he was a hamburglar.
What do murderers drink? Cruel-tea.
Where do you most often find onions having a drink? In the salad bar.
A fruit was madly in love, it was peachy–keen.
Why did the giant use clouds to make pancakes? To make them light and fluffy.
The police officer only had soups for dinner. He was a soup-erintendent.
What do you call a single, solitary kernel of corn?
A unicorn!
Q: Why are cherries never lonely?
A: Because they hang around in bunches.
How are a car and a bicycle similar?
“You can’t make watermelon juice out of either of them.”
What do you call a communist vegetable
a soviet onion.
What do you call a beautiful pumpkin?
Gourdgeous.
What kind of cheese to beavers eat?
Edam.
It’s too bad that bread puns are always so crumby. Mmm . . . crumbs.
One day on the highway, I saw a packet of onions and cheese walking down the road. When I offered them a lift, they declined by saying that they were 'Walkers'.
What's the difference between Hummus and Humus?
"mmmm"
Did you hear about the guy who put little G.I. Joe soldiers at the bottom of his coffee cup?
He’d heard that the best part of waking up is soldiers in your cup!
The tiny bag of flour got in trouble, so his mother sent him to bread early. He kneaded to be punished.
When the egg saw the pan, it was terri-fried.
Why couldn't the teddy bear finish his dessert? Cause he was stuffed.
As a butcher, let me advise you never to back up into the meat grinder. It will make you get a little behind in your work.
Why did the farmer feed his pigs a mixture of sugar, vinegar, and soy sauce? He wanted sweet and sour pork.
What did the annoyed peach say to the mango?
Man-go away!
What did the coffee addict say to his doctor?
I don’t have a problem with coffee. I have a problem without it!
What do you call a nut with facial hair?
A mustachio.
It is a bad film because good ones tend to have created atop day-old soup.
I allow myself only one donut per year.
This morning I had 433 B.C., 1731, and 1952.
My friend mashed up some cherries on halloween and said they were blood. I was cherry-fied!
What would you call a steak that leaped off the table and ran away? Fast food, of course.
The price of candy at the movie theater is quite ridiculous. They're always raisinet!
What is the left side of an apple? The part that you don't eat.
Ran out of toilet paper today. We’re now using lettuce leaves.
Today was just the tip of the iceberg. Tomorrow romaines to be seen.
What do you call a very little cherry? Pit-iful.
What happened to the pig who liked pineapple? He turned into a porky-pine!
Why did the birthday cake go to the doctor? Because it was feeling crumby!
What does a meditating egg say?
Ohmmmmmmmlet.
Why did the FBI surround the president with cows? They were beefing up security!”
What do you call a cow in a rooster costume? Roost beef.
My bag of fruit snacks had all grapes
Today’s gonna be a grape day!
How many grams of protein are there in that slice of chocolate pie? 3.14159265.
Which sports team do wine lovers always root for?
The Reds!
A potato gave a gift to his girlfriend.She said, “Aww, why are you so sweet? ”He said, “It’s just the
way I yam.”
What is a monster's favorite food? Ghoul scout cookies.
What's grandma's favorite fruit?
a Ba-nana.
I yam always very happy to eat sweet potatoes.
Nobody would ask the strawberry to go to the prom because it was past her sale by date.
What do you call a hot dog with nothing inside it? A “hollow-weenie!”