My wife was trying to feed our son a pear, and he was refusing.
I said, Good news. Our son is immune to pear pressure.
I allow myself only one donut per year.
This morning I had 433 B.C., 1731, and 1952.
What do you call a barking pumpkin?
A gourd dog.
Why did the butcher work overtime at the grocery store? To make ends meat!
What do you call a frozen frankfurter? A Chili dog.
What do you call the king of vegetables? Elvis Parsley.
Do you know which the most favourite type of fruit of trees is? The pine – apple.
My mum made a chocolate bar out of peas. I asked if she could snap a peas off for me.
What do you say to an avocado who’s done a good job?
“Bravocado!”
What do you call a strawberry in math?
A berry-able.
Q: What’s red and goes up and down, up and down?
A: A cherry in a lift.
What’s a donut’s favorite lullaby?
“Sprinkle, Sprinkle Little Star.”
If a crocodile makes shoes, what can you make out of a banana?
Slippers!
What sport are eggs best at?
Running.
My friends and I are in search of some fresh vegetables puns.
Please lettuce know if you find any.
I burnt my Hawaiian pizza.
I should have used aloha temperature.
What soup killed Rob Stark? Italian Wedding Massacre.
Why did the students eat their homework? Because the teacher said that it was a piece of cake.
What do you call a lazy spud? A couch potato.
What do you call a small Subaru car covered in road salt?
An Impretzel!
What do two cherries say when they get married? I promise to cherry-ish you forever.
What did the paprika tell the salt around Christmas?
Seasonings greetings.
I can’t remember who it’s by, but you could have “It Started With A Hershey’s Kiss”.
A restaurant server was fired on his first day of work for taking a woman’s salad.
He thought the manager said “seize her salad”.
Lemonade and iced tea make an Arnold Palmer. What do you get when you Mix Lemonade with a tea bag?
Benedict Arnold Palmer
How does a restaurant get the freshest ingredients? They cut a dill.
I work in security, and i want to get a pumpkin for my desk
It shall be a security gourd.
I sent back the soup served to me at the restaurant. It was not of soup-reme quality.
What do all the onions decide to do over unfair wages? They decide to form a labor onion.
A strawberry usually needs batteries when it runs out of juice.
Whats the best cheese to coax a bear down a mountain? Camembert (Come On Bear)
In the history class, the onion teachers taught the student onions that during the vegetable cold war, the Soviet Onion was a superpower.
How do you describe an onion which is in its early stages after birth? You say it is in its onion-ic period of its life.
What did the Buddhist monk say to the hot dog vendor? Make me one with everything.
Why didn't the drunk Mexican druglord find the Bacon Tree? Because he walked into a Ham Bush!
Tony, where do I even starch? I yam so happy we’re best spuds!
hat did the pizza slicer say when he wanted to rob the pizza?
“Hand over the dough or I’ll cut you!”
I recently got told ketchup doesn't actually use tomatoes
But I can't find a reliable sauce on that.
I just caught a walking pear tree...
In my Pear Ent trap.
Do not eat that alphabet soup, or you will have a vowel movement.
Q: Why did no one like peach’s personality?
A: Because it had a heart of stone.
Q: What do you call two peas in a pod?
A: Peepee.
What did the nut say when it caught on fire? Roast-nuts, almond fire!
What is a lion’s favorite cheese?
Roarquefort.
Why was the peanut butter upset at his retirement party?
He was roasted.
Why will the fruits beat the vegetables?
They have a better punch!
You know what they say about ice cream parents?
They play flavorites.
The bread baker won the girl over because he kept giving her a flour. How sweet!
Why can’t people without feet have dairy products? They lactose.
I love having dinner in a local restaurant. It has a soup-erb speciality that mixes soup and herbs.