What do you get when you fling salt in a tavern?
A barnacle (a.k.a. bar-na-cl).
Where do cows write down their most intimate thoughts? Inside of their dairy.
A storefront that boasts a fruit pun, just peachy.
When I took a break from having soup, my mom said "Carry on, why did you stoup?"
A mathematician walks into a bar and says, “One beer for me, and 10 beers each for all my friends!”
Bartender: "Now that’s an order of magnitude!"
Wholey-grain! You really bread my mind!
What did the cherry say to the cherry pie? I really crust you.
What kind of cheese to beavers eat?
Edam.
What type of wine is notorious for making you drowsy?
Sauvign-yawn blanc!
What’s the most supportive beer?
Root beer.
Why doesn’t anyone like to hang out with crackers?
Someone always cuts the cheese.
What do bread kids say during hide-and-seek?
Bready or not, here I crumb!
What are the four seasons?
Salt, Pepper, Sugar and Flour.
What did ketchup say while spotting his friend at the gym?
Mustard all of your strength!
How do you know it’s getting kind of serious with a cheese lover?
They tell you they are pretty fondue you.
What did the hot dog bun say to the hot dog? Stop touching my buns!
What is a Malaysian chocolate factory called?
Oompa Lumpur
How did the cheese get such curly hair?
It got a permasan.
"Darling, shall we buy some vegetables for tonight?"
"Yes, lettuce!"
What do you call a beautiful pumpkin?
Gourdgeous.
Why do pigs go to New York City? To see the Big Apple.
What did the cherry say when it was given a bunch of flowers? You are cherry sweet.
Why do donuts hate puns so much?
They donut like to joke around!
Why is the chef so mean?
He beats the eggs.
Why does everyone want ice cream to be on their team?
Because with them, anything is popsicle.
When you see something red that goes up and down, chances are it is a strawberry in an elevator.
What did man say to the guacamole?
Avocado crush on you.
What do you do when you try to bake a cherry pie for the first time and it doesn't turn out so well? Just wait for the second bite of the cherry.
What do you call an ant dipped in chocolate? Decad-ant.
I’m zesting a lemon for a recipe right now
It’s really appealing
What is an elf’s favorite kind of birthday cake?
Shortcake!
One day a apple saw a banana without its peel. The apple asked banana, where is your peel? He replied, people are always taking off my clothes.
We had made everything for the party and the groom came in, did a quick assessment and didn’t seem amused. “Orange you glad we did this?” we asked him.
Why do watermelons have fancy weddings? Because they cantaloupe.
What kind of apple isn't an apple? A pineapple. What did the apple say to the apple pie? "You've got some crust."
What do you call a baby potato? Small fry.
What do you call a girl with no arms, no legs, sitting in a watermelon patch?
“Melanie! (melon-y)”
Why don’t most people enjoy jokes about taco shells?
They’re too corny
What do you get when you dip a kitten in chocolate?
A Kitty Kat bar.
What did the mom cheese tell the little boy cheese when he got hurt on his bike?
“Gotta take the gouda with the bad.”
If you eat too many cherries, you can sometimes end up with digestive issues. It really is the pits.
How many tacos can an octopus eat?
Ten tacos.
You're about half as likely to die from a vegetable pun as you artichoke.
Why couldnt the pumpkin have kids?
He had a halloweener.
What do we call the period in between eating a peach? – It is called a pit stop.
What are the best vegetables to sleep under?
a can of peas.
What cookie makes you rich? A fortune cookie!
I saw a sign earlier that said, "Free Range Eggs."
I've never heard of Range Eggs before but at least they were free so I took some.
What do you call a fruity pop star? Katy Peary.
Why did the orange lose the race?
“Because it got Im-peached.”