What do you call a dog who only eats garlic and onions?
A dog with a bark worse than its bite.
What do you call someone who eats too many eggs?
An egg-oholic.
Why did the peanut take everything off its wall? It didn’t want any walnuts.
Not only did I have a good time at Taco Bell
I had a Baja Blast
What is the most sophisticated class of bread?
The upper crust.
Happy Hour is at wine o’ clock
The innocent blueberry got easily framed for the crime because the evidence was a strawberry plant.
After I helped a peach with some work, she said, "I really ap-peach-iate your help!"
Whats the difference between onions and girls?
I cry when I cut up onions.
What do you call an ant dipped in chocolate? Decad-ant.
What do leprechauns love to barbecue? Short ribs!
Why do Communists only drink herbal tea? Because proper tea is theft.
What is a snowman’s favorite type of burger? A chilli cheese burger with iceberg lettuce.
My friend thought ketchup didn’t exist
So I told him to check his sauces.
What do you call a watermelon that spends all day at the beauty spa? Must be a hottermmelon.
Where did the nut keep his money?
In his cash shoe.
Be careful what you say in a corn maze. The walls have ears.
I told my kids that ketchup can go on anything.
You know, It’s the least condiment denominator.
A man walks into a bar with a fried egg on his head.
The bartender asks, "Why have you got a fried egg on your head?"
The man replies, "Because boiled eggs fall off."
I went to the store today and bought some really oddly shaped eggs.
Now I can't find them. I think they've been mislaid.
As a butcher, let me advise you never to back up into the meat grinder. It will make you get a little behind in your work.
What do you get if you cross a lemon with a dinosaur
Tyrannosourest Rex.
What's a hen's favorite shipping company?
Federal Egg-spress.
What happened to the criminal magician who ate to much salt?
Cardiac arrest.
Why did the pig go into the kitchen? He felt like bacon.
How do you make sweet corn?
You whisper sweet nothings in its ear!
What do you call 2000 pounds of Chinese soup? Won Ton.
What does a pizza say when it introduces itself to you?
Slice to meet you.
I got canned from a Orange juice factory...
Just couldn't concentrate.
Meat cutters are really no good at stand up comedy; they tend to butcher all the best jokes.
How did the fruit get to Hawaii? The pineapple express.
Who does the nectarine just do a hair transplant? Because it wants to become a peach.
When I took a break from having soup, my mom said "Carry on, why did you stoup?"
What’s the best thing you can put in a halloween cookie? Your teeth.
What did the burger meat say to the BBQ? “Is it meat you’re looking for?”
Do you know what you call the outside of a watermelon?
“Rind of.”
When she asked me if I like soup, I replied saying "I am crazy pho soups".
I love having dinner in a local restaurant. It has a soup-erb speciality that mixes soup and herbs.
Why is the baby strawberry crying?
Because its parents are jamming
What do you call a very little cherry? Pit-iful.
What did one cheese say to the other during philosophy class?
“I dis a brie.”
Why did the giant use clouds to make pancakes? To make them light and fluffy.
What is a ghosts favorite soup? Scream of Broccoli.
I eat a ton of corn everyday.
I guess that makes me a cornivore.
My mum makes peas for every meal. I'm sick of her reci-peas.
“Spring, salad, shallot, picked”, said a friend. He knows his onions.
I caught my sister click and post a picture of the soupy noodles yesterday. She was actively instagramen.
Did you hear what happened to the girl who twisted her ankle in the cow’s pen? She was milking her injury!
What did the blind man say after being handed a cheese grater? "That's the most violent book I've ever read."
When do you put paprika on eggs? Fry-Day.