What do you do when a pickle wants to play cards?
Dill'em in.
Last night I dreamt I was swimming in a sea of oranges. I guess it was just a Fanta-sea!
Wine puns. They're always in pour taste.
What is a cowboy’s favorite tree?
A horse chestnut tree.
What did the mom cheese tell the little boy cheese when he got hurt on his bike?
“Gotta take the gouda with the bad.”
Did you hear about the lowest grade of steak? It's where the rubber meats the road.
What's green and wears a cape?
Super Pickle.
Why did the burglar break into the bakery? A; Because he heard the cakes were rich.
Why did the watermelon go crazy?
“He lost his rind.”
What is the recipe for Honeymoon Salad? Lettuce alone without dressing.
What do you call a dog with a fever? A hot dog.
What happened when an orange, an apple, and a banana all went on a picnic together?
They had a “fruit-ful” day.
Did you hear about the sea captain who made a special salt-proof boat for the salty waters of the ocean?
It was a sailing solution to cross a saline solution.
Why does bread looks so bad in photographs?
It’s just too grainy.
I am soup-er into the beautiful girl that I met yesterday at school.
What do you get when if you cross a potato and the terminator?
A termitator.
Do you know why do the hipsters burn their tongue? It is because they eat their soup before it gets cool.
Why did the burglar break into the bakery? Because he heard the cakes were rich.
During the battle between the two onion kings, one of them was on the back foot as it was leek-ing blood.
Where do vegetables keep their money?
In the credit onion.
When everyone agreed with Hulk at breakfast that they love waffles more, he said, "Not all heroes wear crepes."
What did the boy bacon say to the girl bacon? Girl, you're bacon my heart melt.
Why did the kid keep falling off his bike? It had a banana seat.
Why do girls scouts sell cookies? They wanna make a sweet first impression.
If tomatoes are a fruit
Then ketchup is a smoothie.
Did you hear what happened to the girl who twisted her ankle in the cow’s pen? She was milking her injury!
What's the motto of vegetables? Don't worry, pea happy.
What type of a computer does a horse like to eat? A Macintosh
Why shouldn't you buy illegal seasonings? It's always a shady dill.
Good work, we’re raising your annual celery
Potatoes have skin. I have skin. Ergo, I am a potato
I got over my addiction to chocolate, marshmallow, and nuts.
I won’t lie, it was a rocky road.
“How was your day? ” “It was tater-ible”
What is the charge for beating someone with a bottle of olive oil and a can of chick peas ?
Attempted Hummus-ide.
Which vegetable is the most qualified?
Qualiflower.
Why is the chef so mean?
He beats the eggs.
Why is Mrs Mayo mad at Mr Ketchup?
She caught him watching the salad dressing again.
What do you get when you cross a pig and a chicken? The best bacon-and-eggs of your life.
How do you make a milkshake? Give a cow a pogo stick.
What did the pastry chef say to his unsupportive father?
“Donut hole me back.”
I got a packet of onions from the supermarket yesterday. Somehow, by today, all of them have disappeared. Guess this is why the shopkeeper warned me not to buy Bermuda Onions.
If you are wondering about a peach's favorite game, it's peach ball.
What do you call a potato that smokes weed? A baked potato.
A thesaurus' favorite thing to eat for breakfast is a synonym roll.
I was very surprised to hear those insane rapping skills from my green onions. It had lived up to its name of rapscallion.
Did you see the award-winning movie about a hot dog? It was an Oscar wiener!
What happens when you try to eat 5 candy bars at once? You're gonna choke alot.
When you come across a strawberry that uses foul language, it must be berry rude.
We failed to find the dog's bone because the owner berried it.
What vegetable did King Arthur pull from the stone?
Exparagus.