What are a submissive's favorite vegetables?
Collared greens.
How do berries start off the fruity olympics? They cherry the Olympic torch around the globe.
What's slimy cold long and smells like pork? Kermit the frogs finger!
What does a duck that’s made of avocado say?
Guac.
"I mead more wine."
When the orange started peeling, he was glad it was finally cutting some weight.
If you want to wish a 'Merry Christmas' to a strawberry, just say, "Straw-berry Christmas!'"
Why is cherry pie so legendary? Because it is history in the baking.
A protestor threw a bunch of spices on Jason "Pink" London, but all it did was leave him "Saged and Confused".
Did you hear about the cow that committed murder? It was in cow-ld blood! How dairy.
Did you hear about the lemons that got sick?
They got lime disease.
Why would the fruits beat the vegetables?
They have a better punch.
Wine Lovers Rhyme: A friend of wine is a friend of mine!
What did the farmer yell out when ducks invaded his dairy farm? Cheese and crackers!
What do you call an onion monk who is present everywhere? Ommnion!
I just had the most manly craft beer at my Israeli restaurant.
It was called He-Brew.
What's the opposite of Green Tea? Fat-Tea.
Why did the citrus fruit join the military?
“Because it was a navel orange.”
Why did the banana go to the hostpital? Because it wasnt peeling very well
What do you call a nut stuck to a wall?
A walnut.
What do you call two pears?
A pair.
Q: Why did the fruit finish her homework so quickly?
A: Because the homework was a peach of cake.
"It isn't good to keep things bottled up."
Did you hear about the cheese factory that exploded? De-brie went everywhere!
What do you get when you play Tug-of-War with a pig? Pulled-Pork
Did you hear about the guy who opened up a store where they only sell Swiss cheese?
It’s a hole business strategy.
The next person that asks me for pineapple juice, cranberry juice, lemonade, and a slice of orange all in the same glass is gonna get a “punch.
An organization that citricises its workers cannot get the maximum juice out of them.
What did the cow say to his friend when they met twice in the same day? “What a cow-incidence!”
What do baristas say to their least-favorite customers? You mocha me crazy.
What did the artichoke say to the man eating a salad? Have a heart.
What's a vampire's most favorite fruit? It must be a neck-tarine peach.
What do fruits look for at a talent show? A berry that can really cherry a tune.
What do you call a vegetable planted at a whore house?
A brothel sprout.
You shouldn’t put orange slices in your beer. Well, maybe once in a Blue Moon.
What did the oranges do after concluding the meeting?
They peeled the deal.
The fruit teacher taught figures of peach in today's class.
What do you call a baby potato? Tater tots!
What does a loaf of bread say when breaking up with his girlfriend?
You deserve butter.
What did Katy Perry drink when she was little? Bust-Tea.
I think therefore I yam.
What’s the opposite of Himalayan salt?
Herastandin pepper.
There was a stampede out on the dairy farm. It was udder chaos.
My mum makes peas for every meal. I'm sick of her reci-peas.
Did you know there’s an app for corn growers?
It’s made in Sili-corn Valley!
Ciabatta stay away from me because I don’t want naan of that. That’s one way to tell someone to keep away.
What do you call a group of cows that are on top of a hill? High steaks.
What do you drink before you audition for "The Voice" ? Tea-Lo Green
Which nut is the worst for your diet?
Donuts.
What do you call someone who eats too many eggs?
An egg-oholic.