How does the serial killer like his coffee?
How he likes his women—all ground up.
If you are wondering about the most important constitutional right of a peach citizen, well, it's none other than freedom of peach.
What is a lions favourite cheese? Roar-quefort.
It is a bad film because good ones tend to have created atop day-old soup.
What do you call a baby lion on lettuce?
Cub Salad.
"Sip, sip hooray."
What do you call a frozen frankfurter? A Chili dog.
Q: Did you hear about the cherry that liked to explode?
A: It was da’ bomb.
The only type of berry you will ever find in a barn is a straw-berry.
What do you call a communist vegetable
a soviet onion.
When you cross a train engine with a strawberry tart, you make a puff pastry.
Sheep have a clever way of keeping all their four feet warm in the winter; they wear muttons.
What kind of donuts fly? Plain ones!
What pizza do dogs eat?
Puperoni.
I'm the pun King of Halloween.
The cow intestine dish was offal, but the pig organ tacos was grocer!
If you search for pictures of corn on Google you'll only get stalk pictures.
The soup that my mom made for dinner healed my flu in a day. It was almost soup-er natural.
"What do tofu and a dildo have in common?" "They are both meat substitutes!"
What is a hair stylist's favorite steak? A flat iron!
Why did the birthday cake go to the doctor?
Because it was feeling crumby!
This guy walks into the doctor's office with a cucumber up his nose, a carrot in his left ear and a banana in his right ear.
Knock, knock! Who’s there? Orange. Orange who? Orange you glad to see me?
Wife told me to grow a pear.
I did. It tasted delicious.
Why was the birthday cake as hard as a rock?
Because it was marble cake!
I saw a strawberry with a gun, robbing a man. I am guessing he was in a jam.
Although many other vegetables live above the ground, onions live underground. This is because they have many lairs.
Astronauts can't open milk bottles in space. 'In space, no one can. Here, use cream'.
My neighbor said a man walked into my garden and stole my mangoes.
I am wondering where did that mango.
The innocent blueberry got easily framed for the crime because the evidence was a strawberry plant.
I once attended the saddest watermelon funeral I’ve ever been to. I gotta say, I’ve never seen anything so meloncholy in my life.
What does a caped monkey superhero drive?
A banana-mobile.
What is a corn's favorite song?
Corn fields forever.
Me and my sister used to be like peas in a pod, but recently she's become too snap-pea.
Where were the first orange trees planted?
“In Orange County.”
Why do farmers make terrible comedians?
Their jokes are corny!
Why are apples afraid to grow in the United States? Because they don't want to be as American as apple pie.
Mr. Pea never did any work and yet always looked down on the other vegetables. He was a real peas of work.
My local ice cream man was found dead in his garage covered in strawberry sauce and hundreds and thousands.
Police believe he topped himself.
Q: What happens when two oranges collide?
A: They get en-tang-led!
What do we call two thousand pounds of Chinese soup? It is called won – ton!
What did baby corn say to Mama corn?
Where's Popcorn?
What did the ice-cream say to the unhappy birthday cake? "What's eating you?"
What happens after you eat an entire gallon of "All Natural" ice cream? You get Breyer's remorse!
My son's has never really had much of an appetite.
But suddenly today he's eaten a dozen Kinder eggs whole.
He's full of surprises.
How does the Skywalker family like their tea?
Lukewarm.
If you eat too many cherries, you can sometimes end up with digestive issues. It really is the pits.
The mama nut told her children to kick off their dirty cashews before stepping into the house.
Everyone needs to eat bread because loaf is what makes the world go round. Loaf truly is.
The peach started acting all funny because it was really fuzzy.