Never tell a taco a secret
It will spill the beans
What did the father cantaloupe say to his son?
“Watermelon! (Water-my-lawn)”
What do you call a melon that commits a crime?
“A water-fellon!”
Why did the peach think he was a pear for a while? He was feeling awfully green at first, but eventually his face became red.
What do you drink if you want to freshen your breath? Mint-Tea.
My boss accused me of "acting the monkey" at work.
I almost choked on my banana.
Did you hear about the love affair between sugar and cream? It was icing on the cake.
Pre pear yourself for a bad pun.
Dad: Is that a pear?
*Dad points to pear on the kitchen counter.
Child: Yea...
Dad: Then why is there only one?
My friends and I are in search of some fresh vegetables puns.
Please lettuce know if you find any.
When we spill soup on the comic book, we will get soup-erman.
Why did the wine connoisseur insist on drinking from an old tire?
He heard it was a Goodyear!
Why are oranges the smartest fruit?
Because they are made to concentrate.
What do you call a frozen frankfurter? A Chili dog.
My Dad told me why Busch is the only brand of beer he ever drinks.
"It's the only beer that says it's name when you open it."
Did you hear about the salad race the other day?
The Lettuce was ahead, but the Tomato was ketchoping up...
What happened when the butcher backed up into the meat grinder? He got a little behind in his work!
This Halloween I'm gourd out of my mind!
Why did the FBI surround the president with cows? They were beefing up security!”
I've been on a real hummus kick lately, so as I came home from work tonight, my sister says to me "You're always bringing home hummus now." To which I replied, "Hummus where the heart is!"
An onion just told me a joke.
I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Young Billy had to mail a loaf of bread at the toast office today.
The soup was too spicy to be had by us. It was the borscht soup I had ever had.
Why did the orange cry?
Someone hurt its peelings.
What kind of keys do kids like to carry? Cookies!
My wife started a tropical diet
There’s so much stuff in the house it’s enough to make a mango crazy.
What is the name of the country near Iraq that is made entirely of cheese? Curd-istan
What do you get if you cross an apple with a shellfish? A crab apple !
What do you call a strong pumpkin?
A Jacked-o-Lantern.
The onion teacher was teaching her onion students about figures of speech. Today, she was teaching onionomatopia.
Where do they make all the decisions on a dairy farm? At the city cow-ncil.
There was a bull in the neighborhood who would always vandalize my farm. Guess it was because I harvested Spanish onions.
What do baristas say to their least-favorite customers? You mocha me crazy.
The easiest way to know that you are eating a bowl of rabbit soup is to take a look inside and find a hare in it.
What did the mother bread tell her baby roll? You really are the apple of my rye.
What is an elf's favorite kind of birthday cake? Shortcake!
You don't know jack-o-lantern
What are the four seasons?
Salt, Pepper, Sugar and Flour.
Why did the peanut take everything off its wall? It didn’t want any walnuts.
What do you call a beautiful pumpkin?
Gourdgeous.
What does a nosey pepper do? Gets Jalapeno business.
Why did the orange go out with a prune? He couldn’t find a date.
My best friend said we're like two peas in a pod. I'm confused, there's only one P in pod.
I had no clue how much lettuce to buy, so I called my wife from the grocery store.
Turns out two heads are better than one.
The doctor advised I tried a milk bath. I asked if it needs to be pasteurized. No, just above the knees she replied.
What is the pineapple’s relationship status? Pineapply married.
Happy Birthday to my best spud….get it? ? Spud…bud? ?
If you put your ear up to a Taco Shell
You can hear the Sí.
How do astronauts like to eat their ice cream?
Floats.
I felt like telling you the joke about a strawberry jam on a piece of bread, but I won't. You might go around spreading it.
Did you hear about the love affair between sugar and cream? It was icing on the cake.