My peach friend shaved for the first time the other day, he looks like a nectarine!
What did the Catholic Nectarine Priest say to the church? Peach be with you. It was a normal thing to hear from the pul-pit.
How do you kill a salad? You go for the carrot-id artery.
What do you call a pig squished by sand? A ham sandwich.
How is coffee better than a woman?
It goes down way easier.
Why did the tomato turn red? It saw the salad dressing!
My father is a farmer who grows strawberries. However, his business has recently gone into liquidation after he made smoothies.
What happened to the zombie that made him visit the doctor? He had a crummy feeling.
I don’t know who became more famous, Sir Francis Bacon or his son
Chris P. Bacon
A strawberry's favorite place to visit is Jam-aica.
Michelle Obama’s favorite vegetable? Barack-oli.
If I buy you guacamole, will you sleep with me?
You must think I’m some kind of avocad-ho.
What did the banana say to the monkey? Nothing, bananas can't talk!
Americans were preparing peach gelatos, to demonstrate it's right to freeze peach!
What kind of candy is never on time? ChocoLATE
What does a real cheese freak say when they come to your door?
“I’d like to talk to you about Cheesus.”
"I just want some peach and quiet!," said the orange.
Why did the students eat their homework? Because the teacher said that it was a piece of cake.
I love almond milk. It’s unlike any udder nut milk.
I have a friend who has been diagnosed with a phobia of sausages. She always fears the wurst.
Predictive Text
It's the scurge of the hummus rice.
Strawberries are berry healthy. They pack a punch when it comes to beating cancer and other diseases.
If you throw your peas in the sky you get air pods.
Just found a fly in my beer. I'm feeling buzzed.
An inspirational speaker came to speak at the fruit stand today. He told us to peach for the stars.
Sorry kids - we won't be carving pumpkins this year... Sorry to squash your enthusiasm.
What did the egg say to the clown?
You crack me up.
What's a baby gherkin's favorite TV channel?
Pickleodeon.
Why did the hummus blush?
Because it saw a chickpea!
What do you get with surprise peas?
Wet legs
Why can't Superman eat the corn tortillas at taco Tuesday?
He's afraid of that chip tonight.
"On cloud wine."
What is red and goes putt, putt, putt? An outboard apple.
What do lawyers snack on?
Plea-nuts.
Why was the sweet potato too shy to ask out the russet potato? Because he was a real spud.
Which type of wine do horses request most often?
Chardon-neigh.
I'd tell you about a girl that eats nothing but vegetables,
but I'm sure you've herbivore.
Why isn’t the tomato a vegetable?
It couldn’t catch up.
If you get an email about pork salt and fat, don't open it.
It's Spam.
What kind of nuts come in cans?
Creamed a-corn.
What is ice cream’s preferred breed of dog?
Dashchundae.
I switched labels in my wife's spice cabinet.
She hasn't noticed, but the thyme is cumin.
In the corn maze, I felt like I was being stalked. It was earie.
I was going to tell you a joke about an egg but it's not all it's cracked up to be.
What do you do when you try to bake a cherry pie for the first time and it doesn't turn out so well? Just wait for the second bite of the cherry.
What's yellow and always points to the north? A magnetic banana.
I gave my toddler peas for the first time. He wasn't very hap-pea.
I like European food so I decided to Russia over there because I was Hungary. After Czech'ing the menu I ordered Turkey. When I was Finnished I told the waiter 'Spain good but there is Norway I could eat another bite'.
Did you hear about the orange boxer?
He got beaten to a pulp.
When you finish the lemons that life gives you;
Sublime.