Why is milk taller than you?
Because it's always pasteurize
They're not going to grow bananas any longer.
Apparently, they're long enough already.
What did the Egg say to the boiling water? It's going to take awhile to get me hard I just got layed by some chick!
Know what kind of cookies rich people love? Fortune cookies.
What is a DJs favorite vegetable?
A turnip.
What kind of cheese makes the best music?
Brieoncé.
Why do Jack-o-lanterns have silly smiles on their faces? You'd have a silly smile, too, if you had just had all your brains scooped out!
When I was in grade school, one of my best friends spoke Mandarin. One day, he introduced me to his parents and I told them I don’t speak orange.
I recently got a new job as a golf caddy, but I was fired after less than an hour.
The guy asked me for a sand wedge. I don't think he likes pickle.
What do you call a nut stuck to a wall?
A walnut.
"Sip, sip hooray."
Thank you for helping me. Biscuit’s the yeast I could do.
Salami get this straight - you don't like meat puns?!
I just finished the Mona Lisa made from vegetables. It's a masterpeas.
There are two types of people in this world: People who love chocolate and liars. A study says that chocolate may lower your chances of a stroke. That is, a swimming stroke, a golf stroke, a tennis stroke.
I just watched someone try to steal a pumpkin from a bull.
He got gourd.
Broccoli: I look like a tree. Walnut: I look like a brain. Mushroom: I look like an umbrella. Banan Can we change the topic?
Why can't you tease egg whites?
Because they can't take a yolk.
When the peach lost her mother, it left a deep pit in her heart.
Why did the orange get insurance?
Zest in case.
"Giving you more reasons to wine."
Why shouldn’t you tell a secret on a farm? Because the potatoes have eyes and the corn has ears.
A potato gave a gift to his girlfriend.She said, “Aww, why are you so sweet? ”He said, “It’s just the
way I yam.”
I always knock on the fridge before opening it.
Just in case there's a salad dressing.
I saw a real rob-bbery today. It happened right before my berry eyes.
Why was the peach so sad at the funeral? It left a deep pit in its heart.
What do you call a bacon wrapped dinosaur? Jurrasic Pork.
The hipster burnt his tongue. He sipped his coffee before it was cool.
What do you call two banana skins?
A pair of slippers.
What cheese cries the most?
Babybel.
Say this aloud: Eye Yam Stew Peed
What makes the soup of a dragon so delicious is the addition of firecrackers.
What do you call a cow with two legs? Lean beef!
Why does your grandma like wine so much?
Because at her age, she needs glasses!
What's so special about twitter alphabet soup? It only has 140 letters.
Somebody should market a beer called “Occasionally”.
So when asked, I can say, “I only drink occasionally”.
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What do you call a smart beer?
A Pilsnerd.
What do you call a cow that has 1 leg? Steak
I yam rooting for you my sweet potato and I won't mash your heart
I love having dinner in a local restaurant. It has a soup-erb speciality that mixes soup and herbs.
What do you call a communist onion? You call it a red onion.
How many peaches can you fit inside two cans? It depends how big the Toucans are and if they eat peaches.
Why do donuts hate puns so much?
They donut like to joke around!
What did the farmer say when someone complimented him on his corn harvest?
Aww, shucks!
Why did the banana go out with a prune?
Because he couldn't find a date.
Why are oranges the smartest fruit?
Because they are made to concentrate.
I got canned from a Orange juice factory...
Just couldn't concentrate.
The manager at the bread store told the baker that he had to stop loafing around. The baker said that it was his job.
Keep calm and carrot on.
Last night I was kidnapped by Aliens. They forced to work providing teas and coffees on their spaceship.
I told one alien that I couldn't find any milk. He said "In space, no one can. Here, use cream."
“We are experiencing slight tuber-lence on the flight”