What's the most musical cut of chicken? The drumstick!
What do you call an onion monk who is present everywhere? Ommnion!
Where do squirrels go for fun?
The acorn-ival.
My doctor told me "No more spicy food.", but I decided to have one last fennel fling.
How did I make the mango tree fit in my flower-pot?
I planted it.
I once had a dream that I was swimming in an ocean of carbonated orange juice.
Thankfully it was just a fanta sea.
Lemonade and iced tea make an Arnold Palmer. What do you get when you Mix Lemonade with a tea bag?
Benedict Arnold Palmer
My friends say that I cannot cook alphabet soup for this dinner. And now they are eating their words.
What do you call royal pineapple? Your pine-ness.
What does a surprised pumpkin say?
OH MY GOURD!
If you speak Hebrew and life gives you lemons...
You're an acidic Jew.
How long does it take to brew Chinese tea? Oolong time.
What happened when one friend forgot to brew her pal a coffee? Their friendship came to a bitter end.
"You had me at merlot."
Our daughter eats her corn one kernel at a time.
She's a unicorn.
What makes nuts healthy? They have many nut-rients.
I was walking past the store today when I saw a sign saying, "All items one-third off."
So I bought a dozen eggs. Unfortunately four of them were rotten.
They fired the loaf of bread from her job. They say that she kept breaking down and would rye on the job.
Was your guacamole salad good?
Yes, it was avocado this world.
What is the charge for beating someone with a bottle of olive oil and a can of chick peas ?
Attempted Hummus-ide.
What's slimy cold long and smells like pork? Kermit the frogs finger!
Why did the vegetable thief wet his pants?
Because he took a leek!
When I was in basic training we couldn't have salt or pepper.
Those were reserved for the seasoned veterans.
What do you call a girl watermelon cop on the beat? A water fe-melon duty.
You know what they say about when life gives you melons?
You might be dyslexic.
What do you call cheese who attends art openings?
Cultured.
Soup is only musical when it is piping hot.
If I buy you guacamole, will you sleep with me?
You must think I’m some kind of avocad-ho.
Where did the spinach go to have a few drinks? The Salad Bar!
Digital burgers are nothing but processed meat.
When would an apple be not an apple? When it is a pineapple!
Potatoes have skin. I have skin. Ergo, I am a potato
All potato puns are pomme de terrible.
What drives cheese crazy?
That everyone around them is crackers.
I told my dad I wanted world peace. He said whirled peas sounded horrible.
Which tool does a peach biologist often use for its experiment? – A peachtree dish (Petri dish).
What kind of cheese makes the best music?
Brieoncé.
Why was the backstroke done by the squirrel?
“The squirrel preferred to maintain his nuts dry.”
What do you call a chicken staring at a salad?
Chicken sees a salad.
What’s the National Donut Day theme song?
“Donut Stop Believing.”
I hear you like wine, too. Grape minds think alike.
What do you call a walnut in a narwal costume? A nar-walnut.
Why did the cookie monster rob the keebler elves? Because they had a lot of dough.
Which vegetable is most likely to be your friend?
The broccoli.
Q: Why are cherries never lonely?
A: Because they hang around in bunches.
What do chickens serve at birthday parties?
Coop-cakes!
Did you hear about the race between the lettuce and the tomato?
The lettuce was ahead while the tomato tried to ketchup.
What's the hardest tea to swallow?
Reality.
What did baby corn say to Mama corn?
Where's Popcorn?
You know I always wanted to open my own sandwich shop. I would have all the meat and bread money could buy...
Problem was I was afraid something would go a rye