I had a meal recently that was made with ketchup and mustard.
It was delicious! My condiments to the chef!
What would Santa’s name be if he wore orange instead of red?
Fanta Claus.
What do you call a vegetable planted at a whore house?
A brothel sprout.
Mom, what do we have for dinner? I cannot tell you, son, it is a soup-rise! Is it soup? I soup-pose it would be.
Where’s the best place to find out information about pistachios?
The inter-nut.
What do you call a pastry that is a priest?
A Holy Donut!
What was the main job of the bread truck? To haul buns.
Sir, did you realize the consequences of naming your son Taco Cheese?
"No, but I have grate expectations."
Happy Birthday to my best spud….get it? ? Spud…bud? ?
What did the father cantaloupe say to his son?
“Watermelon! (Water-my-lawn)”
How does white chocolate turn into dark chocolate?
Turn off the lights.
In some way, being a bowl of soup is like being a man. You are only blown when you are hot!
I am a peach, and when my husband accompanies me, we are a pear.
I think I drank some expired milk. I just have a gut feeling.
Hello my name is lettuce, and I was going to the grocery store...
Ah, I’m getting ahead of myself
If a crocodile makes shoes, what does a banana make ? Slippers
The worst type of criminal is he who mugs other people's coffee.
How do monkeys get down the stairs?
They slide down the banana-ster.
What's the difference between a pickle and a psychiatrist?
If you don't know, you ought to stop talking to your pickle!
I was caught smuggling a taco into the new star wars movie...
...they now call me Rogue Juan
If you want to ask someone to borrow their peas, you have to say pea-lease.
I met a chicken once; she was desperate to join a band. She even had her own drumsticks.
Why should you live a pineapple life? Because Life is sweet.
Q: Where do fruits like to go on vacations?
A: To the peach.
The hotdog severely fell behind in school which is why he has to ketchup.
What do you call a healthy dinosaur? Tea-Rex.
The fruit bat ate the orange because of its appeal. It had such a nice color.
All the peanuts decided to start a social nutwork where they would all link up for a common good and even advocate for their rights.
I earned money by selling broth. Now I am a bouillonaire.
Don’t hang around booze hounds. They’re wine-y bitches.
When soup feels strained and stressed, where would it go? – A broth-el!
Q: What kind of decisions do peaches make?
A: Fruitful ones.
Vegans really have a beef with meat.
Why did the donut go to the dentist? It needed a filling!"
What happened after the conifer fell in love at the orchard? A pineapple tree.
How do you say “four avocados” in Spanish?
Um, avo-cuatro?
Where's a pickle's favorite place to go in London?
Pickle-dilly Square.
Cow's that eat strawberries give strawberry milk.
I'm worried that the milk I got this morning was from a cloned cow. It tasted exactly like the milk I had yesterday.
I can't stand Greek salads.
I like un-feta'd access to my greens.
What’s the difference between a Starbucks latte and a whore?
Nothing, they both suck and empty your wallet!
Have you seen that awesome video of a Koala drinking tea high up in the trees?
It’s super high Koala-tea
What did one nut say to the other?
“Cashew later.”
Why was the well done steak a terrible gossip? It wasn't juicy enough!
Breakfasts with my family always feel like a party because they're always making toasts.
What happened to the pig who liked pineapple? He turned into a porky-pine!
What's the hardest tea to swallow?
Reality.
Why is pumpkin pie so much better than sweet potato pie?
Sweet potatoes are ungourdly.
What makes the soup of a dragon so delicious is the addition of firecrackers.
What's a coffee's favorite spell? Espresso Patronum.