Where did the nut keep his money?
In his cash shoe.
In my friend's house, I saw an onion ring. So, I picked it up and answered it.
Did you hear what happened to the cheese after its breakup?
It got provolonely.
What do strawberries wear to bed?
Jammies!
How do you describe a polite german lemon?
Bitte(r)
There are actually two types of apple: pine – apple and bad – apple.
What do you call a cheese that is an alcoholic? Livarot
What did the pineapple say to the pineapple chunk? Stay golden.
Was your guacamole salad good?
Yes, it was avocado this world.
What's green and pecks on trees?
Woody Wood Pickle.
Did you hear about the orange boxer?
He got beaten to a pulp.
What's a vampire's most favorite fruit? It must be a neck-tarine peach.
What do you call Chewbacca when he has chocolate stuck in his hair? Chocolate Chip Wookiee.
How did the cheese get such curly hair?
It got a permasan.
This guy walks into the doctor's office with a cucumber up his nose, a carrot in his left ear and a banana in his right ear.
Apple and orange were the only two left that evening. Everyone else had dates.
What is a vampire’s favorite fruit?
A blood orange.
How do little avocados get what they want?
They spread it on thick.
What did the coffee say to its date? Hey there, hot stuff.
What's an egg's favorite tree?
A y-oak tree.
In some way, being a bowl of soup is like being a man. You are only blown when you are hot!
What do you call an overly cautious cup of tea?
Uncertaintea.
What kind of chocolate do they sell at the airport? Plane Chocolate!
How many grams of protein are in an apple pi? 3.14159265
Wine Connoisser Point to Ponder: Did Marilyn drink Merlot?
Why was the birthday cake as hard as a rock? Because it was marble cake!
What do you call a pine-nut in an apple costume? A pine-apple.
“My bowl of soup must be cracked as it is all wet down here”. “Well, I guess it is because your soup has a leek in it.
Did you hear about the love affair between sugar and cream? It was icing on the cake.
Someone asked me recently why I don't put any ketchup or mustard on my hotdog
And I told them it's because I just wanna relish it.
my buddy’s sad after getting fired from taco bell, so being a caring friend i asked if he wanted to
taco bout it?
When the baby onion was misbehaving, the father onion told it, "You better behave, you cheeky chops!"
What’s a milk’s favorite fruit? Cow-conuts.
What do you find when you swallow peas whole?
Inner peas
Why did the strawberry get bruised? Because it was under pear pressure.
When banana growers are heart broken, what do they sing? What else but Peelings?
What do you call a fruit that doesn't take s**t from anyone? The top banana.
What activity should you do when you’re babysitting little cheeses?
Build a roquefort.
What do you get when you cross a pickle with an alligator?
A crocodill.
A carrot went to a football game.
Wonder who it was rooting for.
The bowl of soup you bought yesterday from the Chinese restaurant was souper terrible.
What do they serve at birthday parties in heaven? Angel food cake, of course!
What is the difference between a cow that produces normal milk and a cow that produces chocolate milk?
A mootation
What does a pizza say when it introduces itself to you?
Slice to meet you.
Wine puns. They're always in pour taste.
You can fix a broken strawberry with a strawberry patch.
Mr. and Mrs. Peanut finally got married and tied the nut.
What sound does a nut make when it sneezes?
"Cashew."
Why couldn’t the donut reach enlightenment? Because it was already holy.
In North Korea, you can not throw fruits in the snow as they don't have the right to freeze peach