Which type of wine only comes in a box?
Carbordeaux.
Why have a mer little when you can have a merlot?
What kind of cookies do vulcans love? Spockolate chips.
Me and my sister used to be like peas in a pod, but recently she's become too snap-pea.
What did the man say after his boss threw cheese, milk, and creamer in his face? How dairy!
What is a potato’s favorite baseball team? The New York Yamkees
I saw a real rob-bbery today. It happened right before my berry eyes.
In the 1970s, hippies loved going to a Grateful Dead concert and getting toasted. That’s certainly the truth.
What's the difference between Hummus and Humus?
"mmmm"
What do you call a piece of cheese that likes to shoot hoops? Swiss!
"Another glass? Wine not?!"
What kind of cheese do rodents like? Mousearella.
A strawberry usually needs batteries when it runs out of juice.
"Darling, shall we buy some vegetables for tonight?"
"Yes, lettuce!"
Why are bananas never lonely?
Because they hang around in bunches.
How do you make Pig Jerky?
Give them some coffee.
You make me hap-pea, we're like two peas in a pod.
Why was the girl staring at the carton of orange juice?
“It said concentrate.”
Why did the students eat their homework?
Because the teacher said that it was a piece of cake.
What is the best type of nut for your home wall decor? A walnut.
What do you call it when a cheese goes #2?
Fondue-due.
Vine Thought of the Day: Choosy moms choose wine!
My friend mashed up some cherries on halloween and said they were blood. I was cherry-fied!
One of the most courageous souls in the world is anybody who looks at a pineapple and thinks that “I bet I would eat it.”
What type of egg refuses to come out of his shell?
An egg-arophobic.
"Sip happens."
Did you hear about the pea pod that became damaged?
It had to wear a pod cast.
My decision to become a Hindu was a missed steak
An onion just told me a joke.
I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
What does a cherry say when it delivers bad news? Don't fruit the messenger.The Peach President lost the presidential race because he got im-peached.
"Here for the right riesling."
A cued peach visual communication system is used with people suffering from peach and hearing impairment.
What's the best way to get King Kong to sit up and beg? Wave a two-ton banana in front of his nose.
Astronauts can't open milk bottles in space. 'In space, no one can. Here, use cream'.
What sport are eggs best at?
Running.
When does a hot dog have a close shave? At the barber-cue!
How does the recipe for German chocolate cake begin? First, invade ze kitchen.
What do you call a fruit that is rough around the edges? A bad apple.
Nobody would ask the strawberry to go to the prom because it was past her sale by date.
When the baby onion died just after being born, the doctors classified it as an o-neonatal death.
Have you wondered what made the strawberry such a smoothie? It is the yoghurt of course.
I once had a dream that I was swimming in an ocean of carbonated orange juice.
Thankfully it was just a fanta sea.
When I told my friend an onion pun, he started crying. I asked whether they were tears of happiness?
Potatoes that are medi-tators maintain calm and peace even when uprooted.
To which tier of fruits and vegetables do onions belong? They belong to the teary.
The oranges have great eyesight because they always keep their eyes peeled.
When shouldn't you drink a hot beverage? If it's not your cup of tea.
Milk aliens have landed. They said 'take me to your litre'.
Whenever I give my daughter cherries, she stuffs them in the chair
Now we call them chairries
When I proposed to my fiancee, she started crying. It must be because I proposed to her with an onion ring.