What’s the best time to eat a peach while watching a NASCAR race? During the pit stop!
I want an almond flavoured biscuit. Amaretti? You bet I am.
The Japanese restaurant serves the best soups. It will always make miso happy.
I love you a tot!
What do vets call a paralyzed squirrel? A busted nut.
Remember to stop and smell the rosé.
What kind of wine is aged to purr-fection?
Mos-cat-o!
What type of wine is notorious for making you drowsy?
Sauvign-yawn blanc!
I had a goat’s cheese pizza the other day.
He wasn’t happy.
Q: Which basketball players eat fruits?
A: The ones who like to cherry pick.
What's green and got two wheels?
A motorpickle.
Nobody wants to sit next to the watermelon in the class because it has a strange smelon.
What did the grilled cheese sandwich say to their date?
“You make me melt.”
What do politicans need to drink? Honest-Tea.
Hello my name is lettuce, and I was going to the grocery store...
Ah, I’m getting ahead of myself
What is the difference between a cow that produces normal milk and a cow that produces chocolate milk?
A mootation
What happened when a clumsy sommelier tried to decant a bottle of fine wine?
Things went pour-ably wrong.
Are you a vegan?
'Cause I yam.
Pirates used to make a delicious snack for themselves by crossing pate with flowers. They called it “lily livered”.
It is a bad film because good ones tend to have created atop day-old soup.
What happens to Germans when they eat too many lemons?
They become sour krauts.
What kind of tea did the American colonists want? Liberty.
What did you just call me? Just because we’re Dark Chocolate does not give you the right to call us “Snickers”.That’s OUR word.
What do you call it when you walk into a coffee shop and feel like you've been there before? Déja-brew.
What did the coffee say to its date? Hey there, hot stuff.
What beer does everyone at the orphanage drink?
Foster's.
What do you call leftover lettuce?
The romaines.
You spilled your entire cup of coffee? What's sumatra with you?
What would a potato say to a peach? – “You have a nice pit!”
What do you call a chicken staring at a salad?
Chicken sees a salad.
What would you call a steak that leaped off the table and ran away? Fast food, of course.
My daughter picked up a piece of fruit and asked, "Is this a pear?"
"No," I replied, "there is only one."
Why were the kids throwing flour and bread at their school? They wanted to rise to the occasion.
The scientist was meticulous about his strawberry pies. He rounded up the protein content of his pie at 3.14.
What do you call meat balls falling from the sky? A meat-ior shower.
I can’t remember who it’s by, but you could have “It Started With A Hershey’s Kiss”.
Where does wine catch up on all the vineyard dirt?
Through the grapevine.
The reason he went smiling all the way to the jail is because the judge sentenced him to a life behind chocolate bars.
My friend Jack claims that he can communicate with vegetables.
Jack and the beans talk.
What is the hippest kind of fruit? A bae-nae-nae.
So yesterday I saw a bottle of ketchup steal a bottle of mustard
'Twas saucepicious
Drinking tea while being too calm can kill you, did you know?
It's called a casual tea.
How does the Skywalker family like their tea?
Lukewarm.
I was walking down the street when I stood on a banana.
Luckily, I was wearing my Slipknot t-shirt.
The only fruit that makes me feel fuzzy and warm is a peach.
What kind of milk do people drink in Mexico? Soy milk.
What do you get if you cross a jogger with an apple pie ? Puff pastry !
What do you call a pastry that is a priest? A Holy Donut!
The walnut got in trouble for pecan through the window.
What do you get when if you cross a potato and the terminator?
A termitator.