What do we call a plumb pineapple? It is called a pineapple chunk!
I recently went to a soft fruit party, where all the food was berry based. It was cherrific.
Why do hens lay eggs?
Because if they dropped them, they'd break.
What's in a honeymoon salad?
Lettuce alone
Wine Connoisser Point to Ponder: Did Marilyn drink Merlot?
What is the healthiest fruit?
“An orange. It takes Vitamin See!”
How do you get a squirrel to be your friend?
Act like a nut.
I can't drink milk. I lactose genes required to digest it.
What do you give a horse that has just won the Kentucky Derby? An Appletini.
I was visiting my dear old Grandpa the other day when he said to me, "Let me give you a bit of advice. You can't make an omelette..."
"Without breaking eggs?" I finished for him.
"No. You can't make an omelette," he said, as he scraped it into the bin.
Why was the birthday cake as hard as a rock?
Because it was marble cake!
Whats the best cheese to coax a bear down a mountain? Camembert (Come On Bear)
Tennis matches and strawberry jam have one thing in common. Cons-serve.
Milk aliens have landed. They said 'take me to your litre'.
Why did the banana go out with a lemon?
Because it couldn't find a date!
What’s another name for a chess-nut? A nut who loves chess.
What’s the best thing you can put in a halloween cookie? Your teeth.
Pumpkin Spice season is finally here, better latte than never.
"On cloud wine."
What do you call a communist vegetable
a soviet onion.
What do you call a pair of cornstalks that are best friends?
Ear buds!
What do you call one green onion that doesn't listen to anyone and is very naughty? It is called a rapscallion!
My bag of fruit snacks had all grapes
Today’s gonna be a grape day!
The chickpea wrote a book, but he didn't release it until after his death. He wanted to do it post-hummusly.
What kind of candy bar does an employee crave before the weekend? A Payday
Man wins award after he died eating appetizers at a Mediterranean restaurant
It was a Post-Hummus award.
What did the horny woman say about her coffee?
That coffee’s not the only thing that’s hot and wet this morning.
What do you call a sloppy Joe made with taco seasoned beef?
Sloppy José
What do you get when you cross an apple with a Christmas tree? Pineapple.
Q: Why do peas dislike noisy eaters?
A: Because they want peas and quiet.
What did the cherry say when it won its third Olympic gold medal? That's just the cherry on top of a successful career.
What is a vampire's favorite fruit?
A blood orange.
What kind of eggs does a confused chicken lay?
Scrambled eggs.
Who wrote the book "Great Egg-spectations"?
Charles Chickens.
The pancake was quiet because it did not like to waffle.
We are thinking of spending the night at the peach house, by the shore.
Where did the spinach go to have a few drinks? The Salad Bar!
The veggie lover was a total stalk-er.
What’s an apple’s favorite movie? Mr and Mr Smith.
When you finish the lemons that life gives you;
Sublime.
What do you call a group of cows that are on top of a hill? High steaks.
What did the coffees say before their night out? Let's stir up some trouble.
My biology class was going on and on, and I was stuck in the middle of it. Well, you know, this is how it feels to be an on-i-on.
Which mammal absolutely loves Merlot and Cabernet?
The Wineoceros.
I sent my cows to bed at 8pm last night. I told them 'it's pasteur bedtime'.
Why should you bake bacon on an asteroid on its way to Earth ?
It's meteor.
Why does Mr. Potato Head have a mobile?
In case Mr. Onion rings.
What do you call 2000 pounds of Chinese soup? Won Ton.
Why didn’t the mom peanut give her children a nutty chocolate bar? Because the sugar makes them bounce off the wal-nuts.
This pizza party is the perfect topping to a great summer.