How do you make soup rich? Add 24 carrots.
You knead me in your loaf. This one kind of works, but loaf is just a little too different from life.
How do you kill a salad? You go for the carrot-id artery.
Nobody would ask the strawberry to go to the prom because it was past her sale by date.
My mom likes to feed everyone the soup she makes. She said it is her broth right.
What is a basketball players favorite kind of cheese? Swish cheese!
What do we get when we mix an iPhone and a Christmas tree? A pine – apple!
What kind of ice cream to electricians eat?
Shock a lot.
What do you do when your partner drinks your coffee? I don't know, but that's certainly grounds for divorce.
How does the Skywalker family like their tea?
Lukewarm.
What did the pineapple say to the pineapple chunk? Stay golden.
I thought of a new joke that started in a corn field.
But I'm not going to post it bc it's too corny.
Why couldn’t the teddy bear finish his donut?
He was stuffed!
I used to hate peas. I like them now, I just make sure I think of them as 'o's.'
Why does salt make everything taste better
Because it's sodi-yummm!
What is suns favourite chocolate bar?
A milky way
What do chocolate, men, and coffee have in common?
They’re only good if they’re rich!
Tea pun-packed poem for my mum's birthday card
It’s been oolong time since my mum was born,
About Six-tea years to date,
Chai as you might, you can’t possible list,
her cupious amazing traits
Her balanced demeanour
Her Kindness and (earl) grace,
rooibost sense of humour,
too many to name in this teany space,
to pekoe out just a few does not do her justice,
let’s not stir things up and cause more of a ruckus,
While this ode may be (chamo)miles away from a Maya Angelou,
It’s just an obnoxious way to say how very matcha I love you.
The man next to her on the train spilled coffee all over her shirt. She responded by showing him dis-stain.
What do you call a pig squished by sand? A ham sandwich.
What do you call fake ramen noodles? An impasta.
Why don't bananas snore?
Because they don't want to wake up the rest of the bunch.
Q: What’s red and goes up and down, up and down?
A: A cherry in a lift.
What does a cow say to milk? I am your mother.
What did an angry donut say to his wife?
Donut talk to me.
What do you call a pickle you got at a cheap price?
A sweet dill.
What do you call a very feminine cow that likes to be in charge? The Dairy Queen.
What do you get when you cross a bean and an onion?
Teargas.
My son ate daffodil bulbs instead of onions
But that's really serious! Is he in hospital?
Yes, he's still a bit yellow, but he should be coming out in the spring.
Have you seen that awesome video of a Koala drinking tea high up in the trees?
It’s super high Koala-tea
What do you call a Boston creme donut that’s a straight-A student?
The creme of the crop.
How do you get a musician off your front porch?
Pay for the pizza.
Why should you make a cherry pie for someone that you miss? Because absence bakes the heart grow fonder.
You know what they say about ice cream parents?
They play flavorites.
Mom: Why did you shave the peaches!
Dad: The recipe asked for nectarines.
I watched a documentary about corn fields
It was really quite amaizeing
How do you celebrate orange drink that doesn't expire?
Woo! Tang is forever!
I thought about making a new condiment that was a mixture of Ketchup and Mustard.
But then I decided the name KetchTard would be pretty MustUp.
Why did the orange go to the doctor? He wasn’t peeling well.
What do you call someone who eats too many eggs?
An egg-oholic.
If Megan Fox is a cake, then what is Amanda Bynes? A fruitcake.
An organization that citricises its workers cannot get the maximum juice out of them.
Why did the man go into the pizza business?
He wanted to make some dough.
Cashier: Sir, would you like me to put your milk in a bag?
Dad: I would much rather keep it in the carton!
What do you sing to cows on their birthdays?
Happy birthday to moo…
What is a cheese lover’s favorite type of music?
R n’ Brie.
The cookie monster couldn’t make his bed, why? Because he couldn’t find his cookie sheets.
No one laughed at my milk jokes. They said they were too cheesy.
I don’t like mangoes. I asked my boyfriend if he thinks they’ll grow on me one day.
He said “I think they can. You just need to be watered properly.”
What do you get when your dog jumps into the fire pit? A hot dog.