What did the steak say to his enemy? I have a T-bone to pick with you!
"Love the wine you're with."
My car smelled like bacon when I got home.
My porking brake was on.
I sat on some peas in the car. It was a bumpea ride.
What do you call a barking pumpkin?
A gourd dog.
What do you call a fruit riding a motorcycle? – An Orange County Chopper.
What kind of nuts come in cans?
Creamed a-corn.
My friends and I are in search of some fresh vegetables puns.
Please lettuce know if you find any.
The difference between popcorn and pea soup, is that you can pop corn, but you can't pea soup.
How do you make dog bread? You use collie flour.
So I was standing in the grocery store comparing the prices of a couple packs of hummus when my roommate came up to me and suggest the off brand roasted red pepper kind to which I replied:
"Ya, I'm not really sure about that brand. They seem to be very hit and hummus for me."
He was not impressed.
One day a apple saw a banana without its peel. The apple asked banana, where is your peel? He replied, people are always taking off my clothes.
What do you get when you cross a goblin and cheese? Muenster cheese.
What do you call a pear with loose morals?
A prostifruit.
Eggs - the original boneless chicken.
When strawberries, blueberries or blackberries meet another berry they like and want to get married who do they go see?
The marionberry
What is a donut’s favorite day of the week?
Fry-day.
Cows don’t make very good cops. They refuse to go on steak outs.
What happens when you rub two oranges together?
You get Pulp Friction.
What’s the opposite of coffee?
Sneezy.
Why was Tony Soprano fat? Cause he thought getting a slice of the pie was a piece of cake.
What do you call two banana skins? A pair of slippers
Why was the sweet potato too shy to ask out the russet potato? Because he was a real spud.
Why did a can of nuts win the part in the Christmas pageant? Because they were the best nut-tavity actors.
What is a walnut’s favorite Christmas play? The Nutcracker.
What did the nut say to his girlfriend at the pine-ic? “I am nuts about you, cashew see!”
The kindergarten kids were taught the alphabet and peach sounds at school.
What did the steak say when he came across his nemesis? Ah, we meat again!”
What excuse did the late watermelon give his boss? He said be there in 5 boss, I’m just rind the corner.
What did the doughnut say to the pizza?
If I had as much dough as you, I wouldn’t be hanging around this hole.
The walnut was not good at sports but did really well with his macadamia at school.
Why did the coffee call the police? Because it was mugged.
What is the executioner’s favorite vegetable?
A head of lettuce.
Who is the most powerful potato? Darth Tater.
What happened when the onion tried to cross the bridge guarded by Gandalf? Gandalf shouted, "You shallot pass this bridge!"
So, how on earth did the police catch the watermelon thief without a solid description? Don’t really know; guess the bloke was acting seedy.
Dad, do you like baked apples? Yes son, why? The orchard's on fire.
Do you want to hear a pizza joke? Never mind it's too cheesy.
What did the arrogant pickle say?
I'm kind of a big dill.
What is a French cat's favorite dessert? Chocolate mousse!
This foundation is rock salad.
What kind of a key opens a banana? A monkey!
I'm on a seafood diet. Every time I see food, I eat it.
Remember to stop and smell the rosé.
What do you call a nut with facial hair?
A mustachio.
What did the Soup Nazi say to the canine? What Soup Dawg.
I have been trying to write a new pizza joke…
But I can’t work out the delivery.
I'm the pun King of Halloween.
What is the difference between a pineapple and a school bus? The little pricks are at the inside of the bus, but on the outside of the pineapple.
What a spud muffin.