Q: Who is Peach’s favorite actor?
A: Brad Pit.
How do you know when a potato is high? When it looks baked!
What kind of salad do termites eat?
House salad
My doctor recommended exercise to slim down as well as some orange juice for vitamins
It’s the weight and C approach I guess.
What goes in dry and comes out wet. The longer I'm in, the stronger I get.
Why did the peach go to the therapist? It was in a pit of despair.
An owner of a pizza shop has just been found dead covered with pineapple, ham, mushrooms, and pepperoni. Word is that he topped himself.
Why did the birthday cake go to the doctor? Because it was feeling crumby!
What do you call a baby potato? Small fry.
What is a chillin' banana's favorite song?
Mellow Yellow!
A strawberry's favorite celebrity is Mary Berry.
Why is the baby strawberry crying?
Because its parents are jamming
The walnut was not good at sports but did really well with his macadamia at school.
A crayon that looks like a strawberry is usually called a cranberry.
How is bacon like southern Europe?
It's got a lot of Greece in it.
Why isn’t the tomato a vegetable?
It couldn’t catch up.
Strawberries are the most bullied of the fruits.
They're always getting picked on.
You spilled your entire cup of coffee? What's sumatra with you?
What is the only time you start at the red and stop at the green?
“When you eat a watermelon!”
I had a meal recently that was made with ketchup and mustard.
It was delicious! My condiments to the chef!
"I need to re-wine my life."
A lorry load of pears has crashed on the motorway. It’s caused a huge jam.
As a butcher, let me advise you never to back up into the meat grinder. It will make you get a little behind in your work.
I've got a really good vegetable pun.
I’d tell you but I’m worried you’d think it’s too corny.
My doctor tells me I've got a bacon addiction.
Thankfully he thinks I can be cured.
How did the corn farmer get to be so successful?
He corn-ered the market!
I hate lentils but I love peas. They're more ap-peas-ing to my pealate.
I just got over my addiction to chocolate, marshmallows and nuts I won’t lie, it was a Rocky Road.
I’ve been told that I need to stop making puns about meat… But I just can’t stop cold turkey.
The bread actor was sad because he lost a juicy roll.
I always knock on the fridge before opening it.
Just in case there's a salad dressing.
Why did I start making a cherry pie? Bake-cause I love it.
What is suns favourite chocolate bar?
A milky way
What is the onion that laughs a lot and is small and white in color? It is a tickled onion.
What is John Lennon's favorite donut? Strawberry' Filled Forever.'
Why did the watermelon go crazy?
“He lost his rind.”
How should you live your life? By seasoning the moment.
Where does a potato go to college? DeFry
The young lady had to throw her toaster in the trash. She was diagnosed as black-toast intolerant.
What is a walnut’s favorite Christmas play? The Nutcracker.
What do you get when you cross a pig and a chicken? The best bacon-and-eggs of your life.
What does a cherry say when it delivers bad news? Don't fruit the messenger.The Peach President lost the presidential race because he got im-peached.
Nut cookies are the best gifts for nutty friends.
What do you get when you cross a pig and a centipede? Bacon and Legs.
What do citrus fruits use to get dates?
Pickup limes.
Why was the burger sad after losing the race? Because the hotdog was the weiner.
How does the recipe for German Sauerbraten begin? "First invade ze kitchen."
What kind of wine do traffic cops like best?
Fine wine!
What happened when an orange, an apple, and a banana all went on a picnic together?
They had a “fruit-ful” day.
How do you know when a cheese is full of himself?
Whatever you say, he’ll say he is feta.