How does the Cheese Detective choose his clients?
On a queso by queso basis.
Why don't the Maple Leafs drink tea? Because the Canadiens and Red Wings have all the cups.
Onions have had a long process in the evolutionary chain. They have evolved into today's onions from onionderthals.
What would you call someone who cheats others while selling milk? A skim artist.
What happened when one friend forgot to brew her pal a coffee? Their friendship came to a bitter end.
There’s muffin I wouldn’t do for breakfast.
I really like corn, but I can't find it because this time of year it's never in stalk
My son just tried to tell me a joke about pumpkins.
Oh, gourd, was it awful.
An organization that citricises its workers cannot get the maximum juice out of them.
You may want to seek help if you feel despresso when you don't have coffee.
How are guys just like coffee?
The best ones are rich, hot, and can keep you up all night!
I had thought of a lot of good bread puns, but they seem to have gone a rye. I know the feeling.
Did you hear about the little people starting a beer making operation?
It's a micro brewery.
I got fruit preserves on my finger.
Doctor said it was jammed.
What did the egg say to the clown?
You crack me up.
This joke is like the time I slipped and fell into a salad.
Corny on the Cobb.
What is the best type of nut for your home wall decor? A walnut.
What do French cherry parents say to their little cherries at home? You are mon cherry.
What do you call a pear in a compressor?
Pear pressure!
Did you hear what happened to the cheese after its breakup?
It got provolonely.
I asked the pianist if he could play the Chick Pea Song.
He said, "Maybe. Can you hummus a few bars?'
Although many other vegetables live above the ground, onions live underground. This is because they have many lairs.
The orange juice industry is not doing very well.
Tomorrow they will give a special press release.
I am going bananas. Thats what i say to my bananas before i leave the house
I asked my nectarine friend how she was doing after her break up and she said 'It's the pits, man.'
Why isn’t the tomato a vegetable?
It couldn’t catch up.
Why is Mrs Mayo mad at Mr Ketchup?
She caught him watching the salad dressing again.
My friend: *Throws salt at me*
Me: Don’t assault me!
What is the favorite punk band of onions? It is a band known as "Good Shallot"!
This year I'm carving my pumpkin to look like an intricate ball of rope, so it can be a gourd-ian knot.
My wife said I only eat white tasteless vegetables...
Well, not neciCelery.
If you speak Hebrew and life gives you lemons...
You're an acidic Jew.
What do you call a cake that likes heavy metal? Megadeth by Chocolate.
Do you hear about the pineapple and honeydew who try to get married? The court says that they cant – eloupe.
My friends say that I cannot cook alphabet soup for this dinner. And now they are eating their words.
I've been feeling really down recently so I thought I'd cheer myself up by making a nice cheese and pickle sandwich.
But when I picked up the pickle jar, it said "reject if depressed", so now I'm off to take an overdose.
"You can't sip with us."
My Ex Girlfriend stole my Hummus.
I told that chick, peace
How do you make an apple turnover? Push it down hill.
Why was the birthday cake as hard as a rock? Because it was marble cake!
Some people say popcorn is hard to chew. There’s a kernel of truth to that.
Did you hear about the cow that committed murder? It was in cow-ld blood! How dairy.
What did the oranges do after concluding the meeting?
They peeled the deal.
"Scone be a lot of fun. Wheat love for you to join us."
Why did the cow fall down while being milked? Because the rug was pulled out from udder it.
What do you call an onion that is very valuable to jewelers? You call it a pearl onion.
Went to a German restaurant. The beer was fine,
But their sausage was the wurst!
I got my paycheck with a lemon slice on it today...
turned out my ex-wife was garnishing my wages.
How do you make Pig Jerky?
Give them some coffee.
What kind of nuts come in cans?
Creamed a-corn.