A cream-filled donut and an eclair decided to get a divorce.
It’s a sad story, but the real victims are their children. They’re in for a grueling custardy battle.
Strawberries are considered to be the most bullied fruits because they're always getting picked on.
What kind of keys does a kid skeleton use on Halloween? Cook-keys.
What do you find if you hang from a cherry tree for hours and hours? You find that your arms get sore.
Do you know why it’s called almond milk?
Because nobody would buy it if it was called nut juice.
Why did the cow and the bull become so close? Because they became beef-friends.
Pirates used to make a delicious snack for themselves by crossing pate with flowers. They called it “lily livered”.
What type of chocolate do they sell at the airport?
Plane Chocolate!
The man on the table found hair in his soup. He said in rage "I will take the chef to soup-reme court".
An immature pineapple is often worse than a mature currant.
Why was the bread actor so unhappy?
She lost out on a juicy roll.
How does the recipe for German chocolate cake begin? First, invade ze kitchen.
It is a bad film because good ones tend to have created atop day-old soup.
What did the two onions who were lovers say to each other before being separated? "Our love will forever go-nion on!"
Which is the most religious cheese? Swiss, because it is holy.
Why do pumpkins never quarrel? Because they have no stomach for fighting.
What's green and wears a cape?
Super Pickle.
Why did the hipster burn his tongue? Because he ate his soup before it was cool.
What did the vegetable say at the party?
Lettuce turnip the beet!
Sherlock Holmes enters a room carrying a box of lemons
"Where'd you get those?" asks Watson.
"A lemon tree, my dear Watson. A lemon tree."
The police officer only had soups for dinner. He was a soup-erintendent.
What do you call two watermelons that are not allowed to get married? A couple of can’t- elopes.
What do we call a scientist who specializes in pineapples? He might be called a pineappleologist!
Where does Thor grow his vegetables?
In his Asgarden.
I was sitting in the toilet at Taco Bell and it reminded me of my divorce.
It was extremely messy and involved a lot of paperwork.
The cold broth is known to have lived in Stock-holm.
Why are popsicles so snobby?
They have a stick up their butt.
Why did Oreo go to the dentist? …
Because he lost his filling!
If your doctor tells you to go on a low sodium diet, do you take his advise with a grain of salt?
Why did the blonde buy a brown cow? To get chocolate milk.
What do you call a musical lime?
John Lemon.
Did you see the movie about the hot dog? It was an Oscar Wiener.
I cut a dill with this spicy mami, but at the last minute she ginger mind.
What's an astronaut's favorite meat? Launch meat!
What's black, white, orange, and waddles? A penguin carrying a Jack-o-lantern.
A strawberry's favorite place to visit is Jam-aica.
What do the ducks have for dinner? They have Quackers and soup.
Do you know why a pineapple can be a good observer? Because it has a lot of eyes around its body.
Cherry pie can be a bit aggressive. Rumor has it they go around saying, “Hey! You want a piece of me?”
What do you call solid gold bananas? A bunch of money.
What do you call a healthy dinosaur? Tea-Rex.
What did the Mexican heavy metal guitarist say to his bandmates?
“Rock out with your guac out.”
Why was the chef surprised that anyone like her bread?
She thought it was crumby.
The peach couple is in love. They seem to be born for peach other.
I took the recent snow warnings with a pinch of salt.
Did you hear about the little grape who didn’t want to be made into wine?
Unfortunately, he was pressed into service!
I told my dad I wanted world peace. He said whirled peas sounded horrible.
Why do workers at the dairy factory always need a charger? Their milk is stuck at 1%.
What did the Apple say to the lemon & lime when he found out they were correct?
Yeah, I guess you’re Sprite
What did the Soup Nazi say to the canine? What Soup Dawg.