I sent my cows to bed at 8pm last night. I told them 'it's pasteur bedtime'.
A never-ending natural supply of beer?
Hops springs eternal.
You should never give milk to someone who is open minded and hasn't yet had breakfast. They're lack-toast and tolerant.
Vegans really have a beef with meat.
Meat cutters are really no good at stand up comedy; they tend to butcher all the best jokes.
The nut stayed c-almond and collected during the earthquake.
Why do winos love cheap wine puns?
Because wine snobs hate them!
How do you say “four avocados” in Spanish?
Um, avo-cuatro?
Why are they called tacos?
They don’t say much.
What did the perverted pumpkin use for his pick-up line?
Hey gourd-geous! Wanna go back to my place and squash?
What does a cheese like to drink after a long day?
Morbier.
A lorry load of pears has crashed on the motorway. It’s caused a huge jam.
Why did the man put the cake in the freezer? Because his wife told him to ice it!
One day, tamarind, curry and ice were crossing the road. All of a sudden they heard a gunshot. Then, tamabrind ball, curry duck and ice-cream!
"You focaccia bag, crumb back and get it."
What happens when you go on an all-cheese diet?
You cheddar few pounds.
I watched a documentary about corn fields
It was really quite amaizeing
What is a chocolate covered car called?
A Ferrari Rocher
What did the Buddhist monk say to the hot dog vendor? Make me one with everything.
What's the difference between a Yankee Stadium hot dog and a Fenway Park hot dog? You can buy a Yankee Stadium hot dog in October.
Somebody should market a beer called “Occasionally”.
So when asked, I can say, “I only drink occasionally”.
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What do you call a smart beer?
A Pilsnerd.
What goes in dry and comes out wet. The longer I'm in, the stronger I get.
Do you know what the favourite soup of a ghost is? It is the Scream of Broccoli.
What do you call Chewbacca when you have chocolate stuck in your hair?
chocolate chip wookiee.
My friend exports the lilikoi fruit...
He says it’s his passion.
Time to celery-brate.
Everyone makes fun of him for using old coffee, but he insists it has the greatest sedimental value.
What did the Mexican wrestler say after he ate a taco that was too spicy?
“It’s okay, I’ll just guac it off”
"My day just went from super to sip-erb, real quick."
Why doesn’t anyone invite an ice cream cone to their party?
They’re a drip.
What is the healthiest fruit?
“An orange. It takes Vitamin See!”
Have you heard about the movie that involved haunted dairy items? I believe it is called Paranormal Activia.
The cashew called the peanut boring.
The peanut felt very unsalted.
What is Tom Hanks' favourite soft cheese? Philadelphia.
What happens if you swallow a whole corn cob?
You get corn-stipated!
Have you ever tried pineapple milk? Do you know where it comes from? Obviously from the pine – nipples!
Nearly got knocked off of my bike by a council salt lorry.
You idiot, I shouted. Through gritted teeth.
A carrot went to a football game.
Wonder who it was rooting for.
What’s yellow and swings from cake to cake?
Tarzipan.
It’s time to think outside the pizza box.
If my Hindu girlfriend thinks I'm going to eat Indian food, she has another think cumin.
Why did the orange lose his job at the factory? He didn’t concentrate.
What do you call someone who’s crazy about corn?
A corn-ivore!
Astronauts can't open milk bottles in space. 'In space, no one can. Here, use cream'.
What type of egg refuses to come out of his shell?
An egg-arophobic.
I tried looking up ice cream puns on the Internet...
But then my browser froze.
I love you a tot!
What does a cat like to eat on his birthday?
Mice cream and cake!
What's slimy cold long and smells like pork? Kermit the frogs finger!
What do you call a very tall cherry blossom tree in Italy? The leaning flower of Pisa.