Why shouldn’t you tell a secret on a farm? Because the potatoes have eyes and the corn has ears.
Why did the hot dog turn down a chance to star in a major motion picture? None of the rolls (roles) were good enough.
Why does the lettuce always win the bodybuilding competition?
Cuz it starts a head and is usually shredded.
Did you hear about the man who quit his job at a bakery? They said that it left him loathe of bread.
What is the best part of Valentine’s day?
The day after, when all the chocolate goes on sale.
You should never give milk to someone who is open minded and hasn't yet had breakfast. They're lack-toast and tolerant.
When the onion band covered the song Waka Waka by Shakira, they started calling the song 'Walla Walla'.
What would a potato say to a peach? – “You have a nice pit!”
What kind of tea do wealthy people own?
Proper-Tea.
If you bake an oatmeal raisin cookie at a temperature of 666 degrees, what do you call it? Raisin hell!
How do you make dog bread? You use collie flour.
When it comes to seasonal drinks, more and more are converting to the church of pumpkin spice,
but I choose to remain eggnogstic.
Mom: Did you watch the movie with the little pumpkins?
Dad: I stopped it early because it was too gourdy for me.
My doctor tells me I've got a bacon addiction.
Thankfully he thinks I can be cured.
Why did a can of nuts win the part in the Christmas pageant? Because they were the best nut-tavity actors.
The watermelon plant didn’t like sharing a garden with passion vines; but they started to grow on him.
Challah if you see me in the streets. Will do.
Why do we love wine puns?
Because they're grape!
A man went to his psychiatrist and complained that every time he drink coffee, he would get a stabbing pain in his right eye.
The psychiatrist said, “Well, have you tried taking the spoon out?”
What do you get when your dog jumps into the fire pit? A hot dog.
The young loaf of bread ended up getting fired from his job because he kept loafing around. Poor guy.
Not every legume can be a nut.
But a pea can.
What did the Mexican wrestler say after he ate a taco that was too spicy?
“It’s okay, I’ll just guac it off”
Q: What’s red and goes up and down, up and down?
A: A cherry in a lift.
Why did the man keep punching his doughy friend?
To get a rise out of him!
What do sophisticated fish drink? Salt-Tea.
I got fruit preserves on my finger.
Doctor said I was jammed.
Do you know why a pineapple can be a good observer? Because it has a lot of eyes around its body.
What did the corn say when it was being followed?
“I’m being stalked!”
Man wins award after he died eating appetizers at a Mediterranean restaurant
It was a Post-Hummus award.
I work in security, and i want to get a pumpkin for my desk
It shall be a security gourd.
Are you a big fan of beef? I am. In fact, I could eat it until the cows come home.
I can't use my laptop anymore because someone spilled apple juice on it.
It was a cider attack.
Why did the watermelon go crazy?
“He lost his rind.”
Why was red in awe of orange?
“Because orange blue green.”
Did you hear what happened when the decorator painted his wife with cheese? He double Gloucester!
Wine Lovers Rhyme: A friend of wine is a friend of mine!
Donut even think about taking another donut!
How does Bob Marley like his donuts?
Wi’ jam in.
I just finished the Mona Lisa made from vegetables. It's a masterpeas.
I love the smell of freshly baked chocolate chip cookies They smell just like burned toast
What do you call a melon that commits a crime?
“A water-fellon!”
Dad Ordered Taco Bell
Asked how many Dillas come in their Ques 'a Dillas
Where were the first orange trees planted?
“In Orange County.”
You've really struck a gourd with me...
What did the pinecone say to the pineapple? Nice to meet juice.
Did you hear about the butcher who sat on his bacon slicer?
He got a little behind in his deliveries.
How does a cookie wish his friends for Christmas? I whisk you a merry Christmas.
I’d like to tell a joke about salt but then said to myself: "Na."
"Partners in wine."