Whenever I’m in France I always start the day with a bowl of mushrooms...
Breakfast of champinions
I told my mom there was a crack in her mug...
She said, ”No, only tea.”
Tony, where do I even starch? I yam so happy we’re best spuds!
You better watch out before you play a game with any bread? Baguette ready to lose.
What do you call a sleeping pizza?
A piZZZZZZa.
Worried about overcooking your onion?
Don't sweat it.
Did you hear about the lemons that got sick?
They got lime disease.
What happens when you rub two oranges together?
You get Pulp Friction.
What do we call a plumb pineapple? It is called a pineapple chunk!
Did you hear about the farm dog who liked to strip ears of corn?
He was part husky!
Did you hear about the pear that fell off of the tree and fell to its death?
The damage was irreparable.
If a crocodile makes shoes, what can you make out of a banana?
Slippers!
Picking strawberries can be a very fruitful endeavor!
Milk is the fastest drink on the planet. It's pasteurized before you even see it.
my buddy’s sad after getting fired from taco bell, so being a caring friend i asked if he wanted to
taco bout it?
An egg walks into a bar...
And makes a real mess.
Did you hear about the watermelon who starred in a telanovella?
“It was melondramatic.”
A thesaurus' favorite thing to eat for breakfast is a synonym roll.
Why do communist hate bacon?
Because it’s from capitalist pigs.
During the battle between the two onion kings, one of them was on the back foot as it was leek-ing blood.
I tried to milk my cow last night, but nothing I did seemed to work. It was an udder failure.
Why did the daddy peach teach the child peach to shave? He was starting to grow peach fuzz.
I went to Taco Bell and order nacho fries
the person behind the counter wouldn't give them to me, just kept saying "nacho fries".
Q: Why can’t oranges be pirates?
A: They don’t get scurvy.
Cows love music. In fact, they even have a favourite note: beef flat.
I replaced the milk in the carton with lemon juice. Everyone was really sour about it.
How long does it take to brew Chinese tea? Oolong time.
What did the Apple say to the lemon & lime when he found out they were correct?
Yeah, I guess you’re Sprite
What do you get if you cross a pumpkin with a bigfoot?
A Sasquash.
I lost one pea from my plate at dinner the other day. It was an escape-pea.
How did the Iceland repel the bananas attack? By freezing them
What did the boss say to his pizza during their meeting?
There’s mushroom for improvement.
Why did the butter keep talking? Because he felt like he was really on a roll.
The hipster burnt his tongue. He sipped his coffee before it was cool.
When shouldn't you believe a word your cheese is saying? When it's too Gouda to be true.
What's a woman and a tea bag got in common?
You don't know strong they are till you put them in hot water.
What do you call super expensive shoes?
Cashews.
The pancake thought he was the best breakfast food because nobody stacked up to him.
Why did the orange go out with a prune? He couldn’t find a date.
My local ice cream man was found dead in his garage covered in strawberry sauce and hundreds and thousands.
Police believe he topped himself.
What do you get when it rains potatoes? Spuddles.
What did the blind man say after being handed a cheese grater? "That's the most violent book I've ever read."
What kind of donuts fly? Plain ones!
What do you call Chewbacca when you have chocolate stuck in your hair?
chocolate chip wookiee.
How can you tell a wine taster is a newbie?
By the blanc look on her face.
Many people have puns, but they will nut tella you.
Back in the early 2010s, the peach children loved to flock around to listen to Peach Pit.
Did you know that bread that you make into buns is always relaxed? Yes, they just like to roll with it.
Where do connoisseurs lock up their best bottles?
In a wine cabernet.
Mom: *Struggling to make a decision between 1% or 2%.
Dad: Milk up your mind!