"Hakuna Moscato. It means drink wine."
What has 100 teeth and eats wieners? A zipper!
What's a vampire's favorite fruit?
A neck-tarine.
Udon even know how to cook this udon recipe. Fortunately, I can teach you.
How do you know if you’ve had enough coffee?
You channel surf faster without the remote.
Why did the orange stop rolling down the hill? It ran out of juice.
Excuse me waiter, I have a question about the house salad.
Does it come with window dressing?
What does a nosey pepper do? Gets Jalapeno business.
What do you call a strawberry in math?
A berry-able.
Those people are preparing peach gelato because they want to demonstrate their rights to freeze peach!
"You focaccia bag, crumb back and get it."
Why did he skeleton go to the barbecue? To get another rib.
I had fresh coconut the last time I went to Hawaii. It’s a tough nut to crack.
What do you call the guy who chooses a suitable fortified Spanish wine?
A Sherry Picker.
A man likes sending random stuff to his friends through the mail because he finds it funny.
This particular time the man takes some lettuce to the post office to ship to a friend from back home.
He tries to package it up but it won't fit unless he cuts it into smaller peices. He cuts it up and stuffs it in a large envelope, however he forgets to write out and attach a shipping label. He doesn't realize his mistake at the time and brings it to the counter to send.
The postal workers says: "You can't send a salad like that, it needs adressing".
Ladies, if he can't appreciate your fruit jokes, you need to let that mango.
A lettuce farm was busted by the FDA on suspicion of combining plant and human DNA to create a new protein hybrid.
When they dug up the grounds the found human romaines.
What did the two coffee lovers say on their wedding day? We were meant to bean together.
What does it do before it rains candy? It sprinkles! What do you call dancing chocolate bar? Nestle Crunk bar.
My herbs were looking a little scuffed, but when I went to go polish them, my friend was already getting ready to help me out. This made me upset, so I grabbed a sprig out of their hands and said
This is my thyme to shine.
What is a corn's favorite song?
Corn fields forever.
What do peach soldiers say to each other before they are sent into combat? – “Good luck and make sure you come back in one peach!”
Did you hear what happened to the girl who twisted her ankle in the cow’s pen? She was milking her injury!
Did you hear about the sea captain who made a special salt-proof boat for the salty waters of the ocean?
It was a sailing solution to cross a saline solution.
What’s the difference between a delivery driver and the pizza they deliver?
The pizza can feed a family of four.
How do you describe a polite german lemon?
Bitte(r)
“Waiter, will my pizza be long?”
“No sir, it will be round!”
He is a humble husband. Unlike others, he never blows his crumpet after making breakfast for his wife everyday.
Why does it take a while before a peach leaves a fruit basket? They have to give a goodbye peach first.
I once saw an onion that had been preserved for ages. It was an Egyptian onion.
I got fruit preserves on my finger.
Doctor said it was jammed.
Why are apples afraid to grow in the United States? Because they don't want to be as American as apple pie.
Don't talk to him before he's had his espresso or he'll lose his tamper.
Why does Satan not eat the bread part of the pizza?
Because he's the Anti-Crust!
What do you call a half dozen wolves drinking beer?
A six pack.
What did the caffeine addict name his cats?
Cream and Sugar.
What did the pea dad say after a tiring day at work? "I'm desperate for some peas of mind."
What did the mama nut say to her son?
“If I ever cashew doing that, I walnut be happy.”
Did you hear about the love affair between sugar and cream? It was icing on the cake.
Did you know that you can get a slice of lemon pie in Cuba for $1.50, but in Jamaica you can get key lime pie for $1.00?
Those are the pie rates of the Carribean.
What is a cheese’s favorite kind of philosophy?
Epistemology and fetaphysics.
What do you drink if you want to freshen your breath? Mint-Tea.
What's a nervous person's favorite drink?
Insecuri tea!
My son's has never really had much of an appetite.
But suddenly today he's eaten a dozen Kinder eggs whole.
He's full of surprises.
Why didn’t the mom peanut give her children a nutty chocolate bar? Because the sugar makes them bounce off the wal-nuts.
What do you call a fruit that is rough around the edges? A bad apple.
"I just want some peach and quiet!," said the orange.
What did the salt say after it was pepper-sprayed?
That's nothing to sneeze at.
What did the nectarine say after the church service? The peacher gave a great sermon!
What do you call a steak hurtling through space? A meat-ior!