What is a DJs favorite vegetable?
A turnip.
What's an egg's favorite tree?
A y-oak tree.
Never tell a taco a secret
It will spill the beans
If you want to wish a 'Merry Christmas' to a strawberry, just say, "Straw-berry Christmas!'"
How are a car and a bicycle similar?
“You can’t make watermelon juice out of either of them.”
What do you call a womanising chocolate? A cad-bury.
What's the only tea an Englishman can't stand?
Humidity.
I lost 90 pounds in 30 days on the juice diet
Every day I bought one juice for 3 pounds.
What did the man say after his boss threw cheese, milk, and creamer in his face? How dairy!
Did you hear about the guy who had an addiction to cheddar cheese?
It was only mild.
I sat on some peas in the car. It was a bumpea ride.
Dad fertilized the garden with corn starch.
The plot thickens.
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What do you call mountain climbing corn?
Mountain-ears.
What did one maggot say to the other who was stuck in an apple? Worm your way out of that one, then!
What do you do with epileptic lettuce? You make a seizure salad!
Did you hear that they're trying to convict an orange?
It got wrapped up in appeal.
Where do cows go to celebrate New Years Eve? To a meat ball!
One day a apple saw a banana without its peel. The apple asked banana, where is your peel? He replied, people are always taking off my clothes.
My brother gave me whole milk, but I can only have nut milk with my cereal. How dairy!
I went to see a beet poet the other day. There were lots of hip peas there.
What do you get when you hghyphotocopy fruit?
Paper jam.
If you are a fan of alphabet soup, then you might also know times new ramen.
To the person who has been eating all of my mixed nuts.
I'm going to cashew.
What do you do when you try to bake a cherry pie for the first time and it doesn't turn out so well? Just wait for the second bite of the cherry.
Chefs earn a meager celery, cumin home beat they just want to read the pepper and spend thyme with the kids.
Where was the first donut cooked?
In Greece.
What is ice cream’s favorite day of the week?
Sundae.
When you cross a train engine with a strawberry tart, you make a puff pastry.
Keep calm and carrot on.
What do you get when you dip a kitten in chocolate?
A Kitty Kat bar.
A bowl of salad went to church
Lettuce pray.
Which fruity singer was a judge on 'The X Factor'? Cherry Cole.
Do you know why does your mother often shave a peach when cooking? Because she only needs nectarines for the recipe.
A man went to his psychiatrist and complained that every time he drink coffee, he would get a stabbing pain in his right eye.
The psychiatrist said, “Well, have you tried taking the spoon out?”
What is the angriest nut?
Pissed-aschios
How far can a mango,
If he's got a license but doesn't avocado ?
A strawberry's favorite celebrity is Mary Berry.
Why does Satan not eat the bread part of the pizza?
Because he's the Anti-Crust!
What did the steak say to his enemy? I have a T-bone to pick with you!
How can you tell that a blondes been baking chocolate chip cookies? Theres M&M shells all over the floor.
Why did the orange cry?
Someone hurt its peelings.
What do you get from an Alaskan cow ? Ice Cream
Why did the coffee call the police? Because it was mugged.
Did I invite you to the Barbecue?
Then why are you all up in my grill?
What kind of chips do you eat in the bath?
Shower cream and onion.
What did the orange say before jumping into the juicer?
“The zest is yet to come!”
The hipster burnt his tongue. He sipped his coffee before it was cool.
What can a whole apple do that half an apple can't do? It can look round.
I got some salt in my eye
Now it’s sea salt.
Why don’t most people enjoy jokes about taco shells?
They’re too corny
Why did the daddy peach teach the child peach to shave? He was starting to grow peach fuzz.