What do you call a cake that likes heavy metal? Megadeth by Chocolate.
What do you get when you cross a human and a pear?
A pear-son.
Why don't bananas snore? Because they don't want to wake up the rest of the bunch.
One day, a young weasel went to the bar. The bartender took one look at him and says, “You are under-aged. I can’t serve you beer.” The weasel asks, “What can I have?”
The bartender replies, “I have bottled water, juice, energy drinks, and pop.”
“Pop!” goes the weasel.
What is a popular name for girl peanuts?
Michelle.
My girlfriend spilt hummus all over her...
Can't believe that chick pea'd herself.
Did you hear that the Lemon and the Orange divorced?
The Lemon was very bitter.
What is the name of the dancing chocolate bar?
Nestle Crunk bar.
What is a French cat's favorite dessert? Chocolate mousse!
What did the hot dog bun say to the hot dog? Stop touching my buns!
There was a stampede out on the dairy farm. It was udder chaos.
What do you call a rifle that shoots salt?
A salt rifle.
"Darling, shall we buy some vegetables for tonight?"
"Yes, lettuce!"
Too tired, I’m out of aspara-gas.
My son just tried to tell me a joke about pumpkins.
Oh, gourd, was it awful.
Did you hear about the pea pod that became damaged?
It had to wear a pod cast.
This kind of wine does not go right through you. Trust me, you will pee no noir.
What's the difference between a head of lettuce and a unicorn?
One is a funny beast, and the other is a bunny feast!
What if soy milk is just regular milk that's trying to introduce itself in Spanish?
What is the executioner’s favorite vegetable?
A head of lettuce.
What nut is always begging for attention?
Pssst-tachios.
She'll take whatever beans necessary to get her daily cup of coffee. Whatever. Beans. Necessary.
What is a cheese lover’s favorite track and field event?
The curdles.
Q: What happened to the peach who went to meet the knife?
A: He came back in many peaches.
Cherry pie can be a bit aggressive. Rumor has it they go around saying, “Hey! You want a piece of me?”
You and I make a deluxe combo.
Where's a pickle's favorite place to go in London?
Pickle-dilly Square.
Why did the blonde buy a brown cow? To get chocolate milk.
Why didn't the two worms go into Noah's ark in an apple? Because everyone had to go in pairs !
Q: Why couldn’t the orange believe that her friend had let her down?
A: This was because citrus-ted him!
What drink do goalies hate? Penal-tea.
It’s too bad that bread puns are always so crumby. Mmm . . . crumbs.
What do you call referential cheese?
Feta.
"Here for the right riesling."
Why does the lettuce always win the bodybuilding competition?
Cuz it starts a head and is usually shredded.
What kind of candy bar does an employee crave before the weekend? A Payday
What do you get if you cross a jogger with an apple pie ? Puff pastry !
People who use sleeping bags in the woods are soft tacos for bears.
What is the national fruit of Afghanistan?
Talibanana.
Drinking tea while being too calm can kill you, did you know?
It's called a casual tea.
What do prison tennis matches and strawberry jam have in common?
Cons-serve
People really liked the new king's coronation day peach. He truly deserves the throne.
Why did the squirrel go to kola-nary school? Because it had pines to be a chef.
If you put your ear up to a Taco Shell
You can hear the Sí.
Why didn’t the mom peanut give her children a nutty chocolate bar? Because the sugar makes them bounce off the wal-nuts.
The guilty conscience of stealing and consuming a whole peach is getting to me. I feel like there's a pit in my gut.
When the unripe strawberry saw the ripe one, it was green with envy.
If an apple a day keeps the doctor away, what does an onion do? Keeps everyone away.
How did the avocado feel after a day at the gym?
Hard core.
No one understands me when i say I like to paint peas in a cage.
I don’t what is so hard about it. I’m a trapped peas artist.