What is a ghosts favorite soup? Scream of Broccoli.
What is red and goes putt, putt, putt? An outboard apple.
I don't know what happened, but the moment I brought the onion into the kitchen, everything got rejuvenated, and everything started feeling fresh! Guess this really is a spring onion.
What happened to the criminal magician who ate to much salt?
Cardiac arrest.
When Berry the dog dug up the woman's strawberry patch, she angrily exclaimed "That is the final straw, Berry."
What is a cannibal’s favorite cheese?
Limb-burger.
What do you call someone who steals from the keebler elves? A crook-ie
What nut is broken?
“A silly nut”
The perfect name for a sad and morose strawberry is a blueberry.
When the bread started crying because it was toast, the loaf told him, "You deserve butter."
I was sitting in the toilet at Taco Bell and it reminded me of my divorce.
It was extremely messy and involved a lot of paperwork.
You're about half as likely to die from a vegetable pun as you artichoke.
The only type of berry you will ever find in a barn is a straw-berry.
When the baby onion was misbehaving, the father onion told it, "You better behave, you cheeky chops!"
Tonight my wife was making dinner and she was using some fresh peas. She dropped some on the floor.
My 4 year old said “mummy, you’ve pee’d on the floor”
Needless to say I was in stitches.
Why didn’t I believe what the cheese salesman told me?
It was too gouda to be true.
What's the only tea an Englishman can't stand?
Humidity.
Q: What happened to the peach who went to meet the knife?
A: He came back in many peaches.
They fired the loaf of bread from her job. They say that she kept breaking down and would rye on the job.
You make me hap-pea, we're like two peas in a pod.
The strawberry went out with the grape only because he couldn't find a date.
Why do hens lay eggs?
Because if they dropped them, they'd break.
What do u get from a perverted apple? Hard Cider.
Not every legume can be a nut.
But a pea can.
Many people have puns, but they will nut tella you.
Why isn’t the tomato a vegetable?
It couldn’t catch up.
What is a monkey’s favourite cookie?
Chocolate Chimp!
Why didn’t the pineapple fit in with the other fruit? Because it’s rough around the edges.
How do you defeat a meat-loving vampire? With a steak to the heart!
What did the nut say when it caught on fire? Roast-nuts, almond fire!
Pumpkin Spice and Everything Nice
What do they call Chris Christie in New Jersey? Cake Boss.
Why do you always bring a bag of chips to a party? In queso emergency.
What do you call a Vegetarian with diarrhea? A Salad Shooter.
What did the cow say to his friend when they met twice in the same day? “What a cow-incidence!”
The easiest way to know that you are eating a bowl of rabbit soup is to take a look inside and find a hare in it.
What's grandma's favorite fruit?
a Ba-nana.
"Say you'll be wine."
My local restaurant recently lost out on an entire order of the best local beef. No one has herd what happened to it.
What’s the healthiest part of a donut?
The middle.
Tobacco companies have made an orange flavored cigarette?
“They call it “Nico-tang”
My Ex Girlfriend stole my Hummus.
I told that chick, peace
What is a cannibal's favourite cheese? Limburger
What is a cheese lover’s favorite rap artist?
Feta wap.
How do you describe a polite german lemon?
Bitte(r)
Did you hear about the cow that committed murder? It was in cow-ld blood! How dairy.
Why is cherry pie so legendary? Because it is history in the baking.
Why couldn’t the teddy bear finish his dessert?
Cause he was stuffed.
What is the left side of an apple? The part that you don't eat.
My friends and I are in search of some fresh vegetables puns.
Please lettuce know if you find any.