Where were the first orange trees planted?
“In Orange County.”
What kind of wine do they serve at the horse races?
Chardon-neigh!
Why does bread looks so bad in photographs?
It’s just too grainy.
Why do you always bring a bag of chips to a party? In queso emergency.
Why doesn’t anyone invite an ice cream cone to their party?
They’re a drip.
What was the ice cream cone’s naughty pick up line?
Wanna lick me?
What did the street cheese say after he got attacked by several blades? I've felt grater.
What's a cow's favorite moosical note? Beef-flat
Why did the squirrel go to kola-nary school? Because it had pines to be a chef.
My Dad told me why Busch is the only brand of beer he ever drinks.
"It's the only beer that says it's name when you open it."
Did you hear about the CEO that got fired at the dairy farm? He was skimming a little bit off the top.
Did you hear that the diet clinic was doing great business? They say that it’d really take your breadth away.
Why can't the bankrupt Hindu complain? He's got no beef.
"Are you sure about this?"
"Crust me, I'm on a roll."
What do you call a fat kid who likes chocolate milk?
An OvalTeen
How do you milk sheep ?
Release another iPhone.
My mother says: “Leave that peach cobbler alone on the table!” However, I cannot help myself and sneak in to watch it making beautiful peach shoes.
So I was standing in the grocery store comparing the prices of a couple packs of hummus when my roommate came up to me and suggest the off brand roasted red pepper kind to which I replied:
"Ya, I'm not really sure about that brand. They seem to be very hit and hummus for me."
He was not impressed.
What do we call a plumb pineapple? It is called a pineapple chunk!
Breakfasts with my family always feel like a party because they're always making toasts.
What did the egg do when it saw the frying pan?
It scrambled.
Thanks to you, I’m saddled with unnecessary peelings.
What’s the difference between England’s football team and a tea bag
A tea bag stays longer in the cup.
What do you get when you divide the circumference of a watermelon by it’s diameter? Watermelon PI.
My sister's trying to get famous. She'll never make it, she's just a wanna-pea.
Do librarians like white wine?
No, they like theirs well red!
Why did the peach think he was a pear for a while? He was feeling awfully green at first, but eventually his face became red.
What's a vampire's most favorite fruit? It must be a neck-tarine peach.
Why couldn't the teddy bear finish his dessert? Cause he was stuffed.
What cheese cries the most?
Babybel.
The thing about milk-inspired puns is you only reach 2% of their potential.
Why did the tomato turn red? It saw the salad dressing!
I gave my toddler peas for the first time. He wasn't very hap-pea.
Which sports team do wine lovers always root for?
The Reds!
Eggs - the original boneless chicken.
What do they serve at birthday parties in heaven?
Angel food cake, of course!
The strawberry went out with the grape only because he couldn't find a date.
A cream-filled donut and an eclair decided to get a divorce.
It’s a sad story, but the real victims are their children. They’re in for a grueling custardy battle.
Why do kids love to clean out the cookie jar for Halloween? To make room for Halloween candy.
A dog in a pumpkin patch is called...
a pumpkin pooch.
What do you call a nut that is crazy about exercise? A health nut.
Knock Knock.
Who’s there? Donut. Donut who? Donut ask, it’s a secret!
I saw an egg behaving oddly today.
It was probably just a bit egg-centric.
What did the vicar use for his vegetable patch?
Lettuce spray.
The Paddington bears don’t eat lots of marmalade sandwiches because they are already stuffed.
Why did the man keep punching his doughy friend?
To get a rise out of him!
Which is the fanciest onion? A cocktail onion.
What do you get when you spice up date night? Netflix and Chilis.
I mashed a few mangoes, pineapples, melons, strawberries, and grapes into a 🍲. Served the mash to guests visiting my place.
Called the dish, Mea Pulpa.
What do you call a pickle that got run over on the road?
Road dill.