Thanks to you, I’m saddled with unnecessary peelings.
Why was the white wine's off-beat pun so boo-ed?
Because it was too corky.
Talking at the local chocolate factory is frowned on. When I’m there, I need to wispa.
A thesaurus' favorite thing to eat for breakfast is a synonym roll.
When do you put paprika on eggs? Fry-Day.
What did the ice-cream say to the unhappy birthday cake? "What's eating you?"
My mother is so fastidious that she eats her alphabet soup in the alphabetical order.
Who is the corniest baseball player of all time?
Ty Cobb!
Why did the tomato turn red? It saw the salad dressing!
What is the healthiest fruit?
“An orange. It takes Vitamin See!”
Did you hear that the Lemon and the Orange divorced?
The Lemon was very bitter.
I was visiting my dear old Grandpa the other day when he said to me, "Let me give you a bit of advice. You can't make an omelette..."
"Without breaking eggs?" I finished for him.
"No. You can't make an omelette," he said, as he scraped it into the bin.
What do you get when you cross a bean and an onion?
Teargas.
If your doctor tells you to go on a low sodium diet, do you take his advise with a grain of salt?
The unluckiest berry in the group is the one that drew the short straw-berry.
Where do vegetables keep their money?
In the credit onion.
How did Henry VIII like his coffee? Decap.
I waited over an hour for my cappuccino and when it arrived there was too much milk and not enough coffee. Still, better latte than never.
I watched a documentary about corn fields
It was really quite amaizeing
Why did the watermelon go crazy?
“He lost his rind.”
Everyone makes fun of him for using old coffee, but he insists it has the greatest sedimental value.
What is John Lennon's favorite donut? Strawberry' Filled Forever.'
Q: Why could the fruits not see anything?
A: It was peach black there.
Shucking takes lots of corn-centration.
Did you hear about the man who quit his job at a bakery? They said that it left him loathe of bread.
Hello my name is lettuce, and I was going to the grocery store...
Ah, I’m getting ahead of myself
What do you call an oriental cheese? Parm-asian
What do people with ambition drink? Loft-Tea.
What did the farmer say when someone complimented him on his corn harvest?
Aww, shucks!
Why did the hipster burn his lips?
He ate his pizza before it was cool.
Why do workers at the dairy factory always need a charger? Their milk is stuck at 1%.
And what should every barista say to their customers? Have a brew-tiful day.
Do you know how to get a raise at the bread factory? Try buttering up to the boss.
What is the favorite color of onions all around the world? Their favorite color is the o-neon.
What's a pickle's favorite book?
To Dill A Mockingbird.
What did the cherry say when it was given a bunch of flowers? You are cherry sweet.
The informant obtained their information by burying themselves in the ground, disguised with a crown and some rind. Police called him the pineapple plant.
What happens after you eat an entire gallon of "All Natural" ice cream? You get Breyer's remorse!
Do you know how the pineapple feeds her children? She gives them milk from her pinenipples!
What did the Mexican wrestler say after he ate a taco that was too spicy?
“It’s okay, I’ll just guac it off”
What did the boss pig say to the pig worker for not working fast enough? “chop chop slow pork”.
How can you tell if you are in love?
If they stole a pizza your heart.
Bacon and eggs walk into a bar.
They take their seat and ask the bartender for two draft beers.
The bartender looks at them and says “sorry guys, we don’t serve breakfast here.”
One day, tamarind, curry and ice were crossing the road. All of a sudden they heard a gunshot. Then, tamabrind ball, curry duck and ice-cream!
"You are so bottlefull to me."
Today, I am eating a bun filled with pineapple and ham for my dinner. That is Hawaii roll.
How did the pine propose to the apple? With a pineapple ring.
Why do cheeses make bad musicians?
They’re always sharp.
If there was a material made of milk which could store electricity...
...it would be called buttery.
What did the ice-cream say to the unhappy birthday cake? "What's eating you?"