What kind of evidence can a donut not take to trial?
Anecdoughtal evidence.
What are strange donuts made out of?
Weird-doughs.
What is Whitney Houston's favorite kind of lettuce?
Ennnnnnndddiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiivvvee.
My local ice cream man was found dead in his garage covered in strawberry sauce and hundreds and thousands.
Police believe he topped himself.
Why was the peach so sad at the funeral? It left a deep pit in its heart.
What is green and brown and crawls through the grass? A Girl Scout who has lost her cookie.
The perfect name for a sad and morose strawberry is a blueberry.
What did the pickle say when he was told he was going in to a salad?
I relish the thought.
Excuse me waiter, I have a question about the house salad.
Does it come with window dressing?
There are two types of people in this world: People who love chocolate and liars. A study says that chocolate may lower your chances of a stroke. That is, a swimming stroke, a golf stroke, a tennis stroke.
It peels nice to be voted in as the most appeeling model in the contest.
What do you get when you cross a pig and a chicken? The best bacon-and-eggs of your life.
Which word can be used to describe a peach that is surprised, shocked, or angry with strong emotion? – Speachless!
If you are wondering about the most important constitutional right of a peach citizen, well, it's none other than freedom of peach.
What is the favorite color of onions all around the world? Their favorite color is the o-neon.
What kind of keys do kids like to carry? Cookies!
Why did the clock in the donut shop run slow?
It always went back four seconds
Why did the strawberry get bruised? Because it was under pear pressure.
Where do squirrels go for fun?
The acorn-ival.
I went to an English camping party with some vegetables. We stayed in a tea-pea.
She was a little hesitant to try the new caramel flavor, but she decided to give it a shot, anyway.
Whats the best cheese to coax a bear down a mountain? Camembert (Come On Bear)
Did you hear about the butcher that backed into the meat grinder?
He got a little behind in his work.
My wife said that onions are the only vegetable that makes her cry
So I threw a pumpkin at her
What did the cheese say when it looked in the mirror ? Halloumi (Hello me)
Why are oranges the smartest fruit?
Because they are made to concentrate.
What do you call a magician nut?
“An individual who is able to turn into a nut.”
What did the steak say when he came across his nemesis? Ah, we meat again!”
When soup feels strained and stressed, where would it go? – A broth-el!
Q: Why did the fruit finish her homework so quickly?
A: Because the homework was a peach of cake.
Why did the Iron Chef have to stop cooking? He ran out of Thyme.
Interesting fact: A nectarine can also be a peach if it does not have peach fuzz.
On my farm, an entire lot of onions had some allergic reactions that broke out in chives!
I tried out a lactose free diet. I stopped because I couldn’t figure out how to milk the almonds.
How does the recipe for German Sauerbraten begin? "First invade ze kitchen."
What did Mrs. Pea say to his wife after she refused to listen to her? "I don't care, just do as you peas."
When I went to the shop to buy some strawberries, they didn't have any. It was such a fruitless trip.
What do you call a fruit that is rough around the edges? A bad apple.
You've really struck a gourd with me...
Why doesn’t the squirrel accept cash or credit at his store? Because it only accepts cash.
Why did the burglar break into the bakery?
Because he heard the cakes were rich.
How far can a mango,
If he's got a license but doesn't avocado ?
People say nothing rhymes with orange. It seems very strange to me.
What do you call a hot dog race? Wiener takes all.
Did you know that if you poured salt on a cat's tail it will fall off?
It's true! And if you pour pepper on a cat's tail, the pepper will also fall off.
An inspirational speaker came to speak at the fruit stand today. He told us to peach for the stars.
What do you call a dog with a fever? A hot dog.
Why does the cookie monster fear the gingerbread man? Because he’s one tough cookie.
Why isn’t the tomato a vegetable?
It couldn’t catch up.
Have you wondered what made the strawberry such a smoothie? It is the yoghurt of course.