Drinking tea while being too calm can kill you, did you know?
It's called a casual tea.
Fish taco says why don't you want to taco about it And the nacho says cause I'm nacho friend.
What happens to a cherry tree when it grows up? It blossoms.
How many atoms are in guacamole?
Avocados number.
Q: What’s a donut’s favorite drink?
A: Hole-y water!
The orange was really sad at the event because it had no peelings whatsoever for the desperate prune.
I tried wild ox milk
Turns out I'm yak-tose intolerant
Where do you store peach juice? Inside of a peach-er.
What did the coffee say about its late assignment? Better latte than never.
Why did the hamburger dress up as a computer? Because he wanted to be a Big Mac.
What do you say if someone steps on a banana peel? Well I guess he didn't find that appealing!
A man likes sending random stuff to his friends through the mail because he finds it funny.
This particular time the man takes some lettuce to the post office to ship to a friend from back home.
He tries to package it up but it won't fit unless he cuts it into smaller peices. He cuts it up and stuffs it in a large envelope, however he forgets to write out and attach a shipping label. He doesn't realize his mistake at the time and brings it to the counter to send.
The postal workers says: "You can't send a salad like that, it needs adressing".
A man went to his psychiatrist and complained that every time he drink coffee, he would get a stabbing pain in his right eye.
The psychiatrist said, “Well, have you tried taking the spoon out?”
What vegetable is kind of cool?
The Radish.
What is a monkey’s favourite cookie?
Chocolate Chimp!
What do you call a grilled cheese sandwich that's all up in your face? Too close for comfort food.
I ran out of toilet paper, so started wiping using lettuce leaves
But I'm scared this is the tip of the iceberg.
Why did the strawberry get bruised? Because it was under pear pressure.
My friend wanted me to take care of his extremely fragile pumpkin.
I told him I'd gourd it with my life.
What's the difference between Hummus and Humus?
"mmmm"
I tried to milk my cow last night, but nothing I did seemed to work. It was an udder failure.
How does a cheese tell you they want to be with you?
“I think you and I would look gouda together.”
Why do wookies love chocolate chip cookies? Because they are chewy.
My daughter picked up a piece of fruit and asked, "Is this a pear?"
"No," I replied, "there is only one."
What is a walnut’s favorite Christmas play? The Nutcracker.
What did the cake say to the fork? you want a piece of me?
What is the difference between a cow that produces normal milk and a cow that produces chocolate milk?
A mootation
What do you call a dinosaur that drinks curry? A Mega-sore-arse.
If you are what you eat, does that mean all squirrels are nuts?
What do you call a field full of epileptic lettuce ?
Seizure Salad
Why did the hipster burn his tongue? Because he ate his soup before it was cool.
What do you get when you drink milk
A moostache
Are you a vegan?
'Cause I yam.
Did you hear about the cheese lover who took his girlfriend for granted?
How dairy.
How do you know that beer makes you smarter?
Because it made bud wiser.
Did you hear what happened to the cheese after its breakup?
It got provolonely.
Why did the pineapple suddenly stop the car in the middle of the highway? Because it just ran out of juice.
What did the burger meat say to the BBQ? “Is it meat you’re looking for?”
I dropped a bottle of ketchup on my foot.
It caused immense pain to ma toes.
What is a terrorist's preferred kind of wine?
White Infidel.
What’s the difference between mashed potatoes and pea soup?
Anyone can mash potatoes.
How do you kill a salad? You go for the carrot-id artery.
What happened to the criminal magician who ate to much salt?
Cardiac arrest.
What does a pizza say when it wants to cuddle?
Fold me close.
My car smelled like bacon when I got home.
My porking brake was on.
What do you call a pig that practices karate? A pork chop!”
Did you hear about the scientist that studied nectarines? He won the Nobel Peach Prize.
Ciabatta stay away from me because I don’t want naan of that. That’s one way to tell someone to keep away.
Why can’t people without feet have dairy products? They lactose.
What kind of a key opens a banana? A monkey!