What did the steak say to his girlfriend? You're the apple of my rib-eye!
Why doesn’t anyone like to hang out with crackers?
Someone always cuts the cheese.
The young lady had to throw her toaster in the trash. She was diagnosed as black-toast intolerant.
The old and wise onion had once told me that life is similar to onions. Whenever we peel off our protective layers, we end up crying.
An angry fruit yells at traffic in front of them
“Mango!”
The jam bank went bankrupt because of the series of strobberies in the last quarter.
What happens to a cherry tree when it grows up? It blossoms.
Fine Wine Pick-Up Line: Hey babe, what are you doing this fall? 'Cause I'd like to make you part of the season's harvest.
Did you hear about the orange boxer?
He got beaten to a pulp.
What's green and pecks on trees?
Woody Wood Pickle.
For the last few Sundays, I have been receiving an onion pun in the mail. I don't know who is sending them. Guess it is onionymous.
What did the coffee say about its late assignment? Better latte than never.
Cows love music. In fact, they even have a favourite note: beef flat.
What did the blind man say after being handed a cheese grater? "That's the most violent book I've ever read."
What do you call the guy who chooses a suitable fortified Spanish wine?
A Sherry Picker.
What happens when you rub two oranges together?
You get Pulp Friction.
I know a pea that's a famous singer. He's a VIP.
I love you from my head tomato
Predictive Text
It's the scurge of the hummus rice.
Why is cherry pie so legendary? Because it is history in the baking.
Peaches tend to be really mean. After all, they have hearts of stone.
What kind of cheese do rodents like? Mousearella.
Why do workers at the dairy factory always need a charger? Their milk is stuck at 1%.
Why don't bananas snore? Because they don't want to wake up the rest of the bunch.
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Peanut.
Peanut who?
Peanut butter open the door!
Why did the cherry go to the good drinks factory? It was cordially invited.
Tea pun-packed poem for my mum's birthday card
It’s been oolong time since my mum was born,
About Six-tea years to date,
Chai as you might, you can’t possible list,
her cupious amazing traits
Her balanced demeanour
Her Kindness and (earl) grace,
rooibost sense of humour,
too many to name in this teany space,
to pekoe out just a few does not do her justice,
let’s not stir things up and cause more of a ruckus,
While this ode may be (chamo)miles away from a Maya Angelou,
It’s just an obnoxious way to say how very matcha I love you.
What did the coffees say before their night out? Let's stir up some trouble.
Why was the burger sad? Because he had the blue cheese.
If there was a material made of milk which could store electricity...
...it would be called buttery.
You might be startled to see a hamburger working out in your local gym. Don’t worry, they’re just there because they want better buns.
Why did the burglar break into the bakery?
Because he heard the cakes were rich.
What kind of apple isn't an apple? A pineapple. What did the apple say to the apple pie? "You've got some crust."
Wine puns. They're always in pour taste.
What did the coffee addict say to his doctor?
I don’t have a problem with coffee. I have a problem without it!
What did the artichoke say to the man eating a salad? Have a heart.
Where does wine catch up on all the vineyard dirt?
Through the grapevine.
What did mamma orange say to little orange after he spilled his milk? It’s no big peel!
How do two cherries make up after an argument? They cherry the hatchet.
Why did the daddy peach teach the child peach to shave? He was starting to grow peach fuzz.
What did the nut say when it caught on fire? Roast-nuts, almond fire!
What's the only tea an Englishman can't stand?
Humidity.
What do you get when you cross Frosty with a baker?
Frosty the Dough-Man!
Hundreds of chickpeas were found dead the other day. The police say it's a hummuside.
I really like corn, but I can't find it because this time of year it's never in stalk
What’s the best thing you can put in a halloween cookie? Your teeth.
Q: Why is a carrot orange and pointy?
A: Because if it was green and round, it would be a pea!
How does Reese eat her ice cream?
Witherspoon.
Cherries are actually great at a lot of different sports. Their favorite one, in case you were wondering, is archerry.
"Rosé all day."