No one likes sausage puns, they are the wurst!
“Mom, what do we have for this dinner?” – “I cannot tell you. It is a little soup-prise, son!”
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Walnut.
Walnut who?
I walnut tell you. It’s a secret.
If fish is a type of brain food, then dumb people probably love eating noodle soup.
I like fried chickpeas, but I shouldn't eat them. Every time I do I falafel.
When is a birthday cake like a golf ball? When it's been sliced.
What do you call a bacon wrapped dinosaur? Jurrasic Pork.
What do you call a banana who gets all the girls?
A banana smoothie.
When soup feels strained and stressed, where would it go? – A broth-el!
What group of cheese has been known to fly? Curds of prey!
I almost got a world record for having the most peas up my nose but sadly I blew it.
Why do gherkins giggle when you touch them?
They're pickle-ish.
How does the serial killer like his coffee?
How he likes his women—all ground up.
Did you hear about the lowest grade of steak? It's where the rubber meats the road.
Tennis matches and strawberry jam have one thing in common. Cons-serve.
Why do onions have poor self-image?
Because people cry when they get onions naked.
And what should every barista say to their customers? Have a brew-tiful day.
Somehow they knew I wanted champagne. It was chilling.
Why did the butcher work overtime at the grocery store? To make ends meat!
I met a girl in a vegetarian restaurant who said she recognized me, but I have literally never seen herbivore.
What do you call a magician nut?
“An individual who is able to turn into a nut.”
My doctor told me to cut down on red meat.
So, could you brown it up a bit?
What's the difference between a head of lettuce and a unicorn?
One is a funny beast, and the other is a bunny feast!
What did the nut say to his girlfriend at the pine-ic? “I am nuts about you, cashew see!”
What do you call an onion that is very valuable to jewelers? You call it a pearl onion.
What is the best part of Valentine’s day?
The day after, when all the chocolate goes on sale.
So I was cleaning my spice cabinet...
and now I have a lot of thyme on my hands!
What happened to the pig who liked pineapple? He turned into a porky-pine!
Q: What do you get when you walk around with cherries in your shoes?
A: Toe jam.
What did the pastry chef say to his unsupportive father?
“Donut hole me back.”
What do you call a cow with a twitch? Beef jerky.
How do you catch King Kong? Hang upside down and make a noise like a banana.
What do chickens serve at birthday parties?
Coop-cakes!
What do we call a scientist who specializes in pineapples? He might be called a pineappleologist!
There’s a suspicious email going around, with the subject line “Canned meat.” Don’t open it, it’s spam!
What’s fat, hairy and drinks a lot of coffee?
Java the Hut!
What do you call solid gold bananas? A bunch of money.
My dad tried to put peas into an orange once. It didn't appeal to me.
Which hand should we use to stir the soup? It is better to stir the soup with a spoon!
What did the hurricane say to the coconut palm tree? Hold on to your nuts, this is no ordinary blow job!
There's no need to cherry your feelings, I know you love me really.
What does bread say to a friend after doing them a favor?
It’s the yeast I could do.
What do you call a very tall cherry blossom tree in Italy? The leaning flower of Pisa.
Why do we enjoy wine jokes?
Because they're de-vine!
Mr. Pea never did any work and yet always looked down on the other vegetables. He was a real peas of work.
Me and my sister used to be like peas in a pod, but recently she's become too snap-pea.
Have you ever wondered if illiterate people would get the full effects of alphabet soup?
Berries are the most fashionista of the fruits, they can really cherry off the wildest outfits.
How did that avocado baker make bread?
With avoca-dough.
What drink brings you down to earth? Gravi-Tea.