If you coriander into my tomato soup, you will give me a soup-herb dish.
I had no clue how much lettuce to buy, so I called my wife from the grocery store.
Turns out two heads are better than one.
A new bakery in town began ding extremely well. They said that business was definitely on the rise.
My doctor tells me I've got a bacon addiction.
Thankfully he thinks I can be cured.
What do you do with epileptic lettuce? You make a seizure salad!
What's the difference between a Yankee Stadium hot dog and a Fenway Park hot dog? You can buy a Yankee Stadium hot dog in October.
Peaches tend to be really mean. After all, they have hearts of stone.
What was the watermelon’s naughty pick-up line?
“Want to see my melons?”
People really liked the new king's coronation day peach. He truly deserves the throne.
What's the difference between roast beef and pea soup?
Anybody can roast beef!
How do astronauts like to eat their ice cream?
Floats.
What do you call leftover lettuce?
The romaines.
What do you call a pumpkin that can slam dunk a basketball?
Michael Gourdan.
My sister thinks that she is so intelligent. She says onion is the only food which makes her cry. That is the reason why I threw a pineapple at her face.
What is the easiest way to make a banana split? Cut it in half.
What did the orange say to the lemon?
"'yello!"
What did the hummus say to the pita bread when he got sick?
I falafel.
So, what do you do with an epileptic watermelon? Simple, you make a seizure salad.
How do monkeys get down the stairs?
They slide down the banana-ster.
What nut is broken?
“A silly nut”
What do you call corn that joins the army?
Kernel.
Did you hear about the cheese failed to medal at the olympics? It fell at the final curdle
Did you hear the one about the watermelon pirate who went to the Caribbean? Must have desperately wanted to catch some arrgh and arrgh.
Q: What happened to the peach who went to meet the knife?
A: He came back in many peaches.
Did you hear about the watermelon who starred in a telanovella?
“It was melondramatic.”
What did Yoda say when he turned a patron away for ordering a pie?
“Dough. Or doughnut. There is no pie.”
What's a baby gherkin's favorite TV channel?
Pickleodeon.
What did the salt say after it was pepper-sprayed?
That's nothing to sneeze at.
My dog is sad after eating her favorite fruit and getting wet from the juice.
She's a watered melancholy watermelon collie.
How do you know your eating rabbit soup? When there's a hare in it.
A never-ending natural supply of beer?
Hops springs eternal.
What do you call a fat pumpkin?
A plumpkin!
What happens when no one comes to your birthday party? You can have your cake and eat it too.
Someone who eats bananas must like them a whole bunch.
Pre pear yourself for a bad pun.
Dad: Is that a pear?
*Dad points to pear on the kitchen counter.
Child: Yea...
Dad: Then why is there only one?
Why did the students eat their homework?
Because the teacher said that it was a piece of cake.
I’m opening a grocery store that specializes in Swiss cheese and donuts.
I’m calling it Hole Foods.
What happened to the football team that practiced in a corn field?
They got creamed!
Why are tomatoes the slowest vegetable?
Because they can’t ketchup.
I introduced chocolate to milk. They did a chocolate milk shake.
What do you call a potato that’s reluctant to jump into boiling water? A hesi-tater.
When you push a strawberry down a hill, you make a strawberry turnover.
Who’s an apple’s favorite relative?
Granny.
What is a cheese lover’s favorite track and field event?
The curdles.
What happens if a cashew falls down your shirt?
It becomes a chestnut.
I saw a pun on chocolate bars but it wasn’t that fun
So I just snickered.
How does Bob Marley like his donuts?
Wi’ jam in.
What do you call a girl watermelon cop on the beat? A water fe-melon duty.
How do the New England Patriots eat their soup? In a Super Bowl.
Why was the burger sad after losing the race? Because the hotdog was the weiner.