When the baby onion was misbehaving, the father onion told it, "You better behave, you cheeky chops!"
What did the grilled cheese sandwich say to their date?
“You make me melt.”
At the bar mitzvah ceremony, the Jewish onion greeted his uncle by saying 'Shallot'.
Q: Why did the fruit finish her homework so quickly?
A: Because the homework was a peach of cake.
The peach started acting all funny because it was really fuzzy.
I asked the Korean grocer for something to spice up my meals, but I think I got a raw dill.
Did you hear about the pick-up artist who only ever wears green leaves on his head? Yeah, he’s definitely a pineapple smoothie.
Did you hear about the lowest grade of steak? It's where the rubber meats the road.
My herbs were looking a little scuffed, but when I went to go polish them, my friend was already getting ready to help me out. This made me upset, so I grabbed a sprig out of their hands and said
This is my thyme to shine.
Why did the hummus blush?
Because it saw a chickpea!
I caught the chef sticking his hand in the cooking pot. He looked at me and said...
"I was just feeling a little chili."
Cherry pie can be a bit aggressive. Rumor has it they go around saying, “Hey! You want a piece of me?”
I can’t help but laugh a little when I see a pun about chocolate bars… snickers
Q: What’s a donut’s favorite drink?
A: Hole-y water!
Fine Wine Pick-Up Line: Hey babe, what are you doing this fall? 'Cause I'd like to make you part of the season's harvest.
If you coriander into my tomato soup, you will give me a soup-herb dish.
I steal my eggs from my next door neighbor.
I prefer them poached.
The squirrel’s chest got dirty with nuts, now it has a chest-nut.
Why couldn’t the teddy bear finish his dessert?
Cause he was stuffed.
Italians are so good at making coffee because they naturally like to espresso themselves.
There’s a hair in my wine. The grapes must have been fur-mented.
What song was the peach listening to? 'Stronger with Peach Tear'.
What kind of apple has a short temper? A crab apple.
What do you call the greatest cheese to every live on the earth? Legen-dairy!
My town always holds a contest to see which beer drinker's belly is biggest by seeing how far it goes past a line...
That's the paunch-line.
What is ice cream’s preferred breed of dog?
Dashchundae.
When I was younger, I once smashed up a nest of heron's eggs.
No egrets.
Fish taco says why don't you want to taco about it And the nacho says cause I'm nacho friend.
What do two tomatoes do after not seeing each other for a long period of time?
They ketchup.
What do you call an epileptic in a vegetable garden Seizure salad
Did you hear about the banana who went to the doctor's because he wasn't peeling very well?
A never-ending natural supply of beer?
Hops springs eternal.
Challah if you see me in the streets. Will do.
Why did the coffee call the police? Because it was mugged.
How do astronauts like to eat their ice cream?
Floats.
Why shouldn’t you tell a secret on a farm? Because the potatoes have eyes and the corn has ears.
Why did the ice cream truck break down? Because of the Rocky Road.
The cashew called the peanut boring.
The peanut felt very unsalted.
What pizza do dogs eat?
Puperoni.
Bacon and eggs walk into a bar.
They take their seat and ask the bartender for two draft beers.
The bartender looks at them and says “sorry guys, we don’t serve breakfast here.”
What's the difference between French fries and orange juice?
You can make orange juice out of orange, but not French fries out of French
How do you get a musician off your front porch?
Pay for the pizza.
What did the priest say before he and his family ate their salad?
Lettuce pray.
The unluckiest berry in the group is the one that drew the short straw-berry.
What kind of cookies do poor people want during Halloween? Fortune cookies.
I met a girl in a vegetarian restaurant who said she recognized me, but I have literally never seen herbivore.
Which religious figure does dairy products worship? Cheese-us!
I got a packet of onions from the supermarket yesterday. Somehow, by today, all of them have disappeared. Guess this is why the shopkeeper warned me not to buy Bermuda Onions.
What did the farmer say when someone complimented him on his corn harvest?
Aww, shucks!
Which nut is the worst for your diet?
Donuts.