If you’re looking for Valentine’s Day inspiration for a meat loving crush, try “Will you beef my Valentine?”
Why do donuts hate puns so much?
They donut like to joke around!
I saw an egg behaving oddly today.
It was probably just a bit egg-centric.
Excuse me waiter, I have a question about the house salad.
Does it come with window dressing?
What song was the peach listening to? 'Stronger with Peach Tear'.
What kind of beer can you make from a potato?
Spud Light.
Why do ice cream cones make such good journalists?
They always get a scoop.
What did the coffee addict say to his doctor?
I don’t have a problem with coffee. I have a problem without it!
Why does Elton John HATE lettuce?
Becuase he's a ROCKET MAN...
Why doesn't Daniel Tosh eat Hot Dogs? He can't find the zipper
What did the daddy potato say to his son before his soccer game? I’m rooting for you!
Italians are so good at making coffee because they naturally like to espresso themselves.
What do you call a banana who gets all the girls?
A banana smoothie.
If you want day-old soup, then come back here tomorrow!
My peach friend shaved for the first time the other day, he looks like a nectarine!
What does the watermelon say to its girlfriend on Valentine’s Day? – “You are one in a melon!”
I loved the soup that they served at the local restaurant yesterday. It was simply pho-nomenol.
What do fruit bowls say when they dress up as a ghost on Halloween? Be cherry afraid!
What cheese is made backwards?
Edam.
What did the perverted pumpkin use for his pick-up line?
Hey gourd-geous! Wanna go back to my place and squash?
What happens if life gives you melons? Your dyslexic
A packing plant received a load of lettuce to process. The workers grabbed the boxes quickly from the top and the bottoms fell out spilling the produce.
The boss yells, grab the boxes by the bottom, or heads are going to roll!
What has 100 teeth and eats wieners? A zipper!
A crayon that looks like a strawberry is usually called a cranberry.
How do eggs get around?
On a s-egg-way.
They say that the local baker is the breadwinner of his family. True enough.
What do you call a pair of cornstalks that are best friends?
Ear buds!
What do you call a rapper working at Cold Stone? Scoop Dogg.
I am pretty sure that the favourite soup of Dracula is the Scream of tomato.
An immature pineapple is often worse than a mature currant.
The reason orange juice doesn’t slide well on hard wood floors is Because of pulp friction.
I rarely put orange slices in my beer.
Once in a Blue Moon.
What did Snow White call her chicken?
Egg White.
What do people with ambition drink? Loft-Tea.
What do you do if you see a blue banana? Try to cheer it up.
Why did the worker get fired from the orange juice factory?
“Lack of concentration.”
What do donuts think about donut puns? They donut like them!
Q: Why do peas dislike noisy eaters?
A: Because they want peas and quiet.
My car smelled like bacon when I got home.
My porking brake was on.
What do you get when you cross a pickle with an alligator?
A crocodill.
Why was the pear by himself? Because the banana split.
I was straining some old noodles but eventually, I chickened out. It was such a broth-er.
If you are wondering about the fuzziest character in the gaming world, well it is definitely Princess Peach.
Why do Communists only drink herbal tea? Because proper tea is theft.
I recently got a new job as a golf caddy, but I was fired after less than an hour.
The guy asked me for a sand wedge. I don't think he likes pickle.
Why did the citrus fruit join the military?
“Because it was a navel orange.”
Sheep have a clever way of keeping all their four feet warm in the winter; they wear muttons.
Why did the potato wear socks?
To keep his pota-toes warm.
Strawberries are considered to be the most bullied fruits because they're always getting picked on.
If my Hindu girlfriend thinks I'm going to eat Indian food, she has another think cumin.