If your doctor tells you to go on a low sodium diet, do you take his advise with a grain of salt?
Why does the mushroom always get invited to pizza parties?
Because he’s such a fungi!
What’s the difference between England’s football team and a tea bag
A tea bag stays longer in the cup.
How did the hotdog ask the ketchup out?
He mustard up the courage.
"Partners in wine."
I think it’s funny when I ask girls whether they would spit or swallow my seed if I was a watermelon. Unfortunately, almost all of them reply not in a hundred melon years.
You know what they say about ice cream parents?
They play flavorites.
My pet cow thinks she produces almond milk. She must be nuts.
Which is the Richest Cheese in the world? Paris Stilton.
Knock, knock! Who’s there? Orange. Orange who? Orange you going to let me in?.
What did the grilled cheese sandwich say to their date?
“You make me melt.”
I can't drink milk. I lactose genes required to digest it.
I mashed a few mangoes, pineapples, melons, strawberries, and grapes into a pot. Served the mash to guests visiting my place.
Called the dish, Mea Pulpa.
The pancake thought he was the best breakfast food because nobody stacked up to him.
When the chef asked me how I would like my soup, I said "I would like minestrone".
When shouldn't you believe a word your cheese is saying? When it's too Gouda to be true.
I saw a strawberry with a gun, robbing a man. I am guessing he was in a jam.
I went to the backyard this morning and saw a bird of prey drinking a pumpkin spice latte.
It was a millennial falcon.
What did ketchup say while spotting his friend at the gym?
Mustard all of your strength!
Chefs earn a meager celery, cumin home beat they just want to read the pepper and spend thyme with the kids.
Why’d the lettuce blush?
It saw the salad dressing.
What did the orange say before he started his new job?
“The zest is yet to come!”
What do they serve at birthday parties in heaven? Angel food cake, of course!
Did you hear about the ice cream that went to prison?
They got their just desserts.
For the last few Sundays, I have been receiving an onion pun in the mail. I don't know who is sending them. Guess it is onionymous.
Why couldn't the teddy bear finish his dessert? Cause he was stuffed.
What’s a balanced diet like?
A slice of cake in each hand!
Cherry pie will set you back 10 dollars in Antigua, but 15 in Barbados. Yes, those are the pie rates of the Caribbean.
Did you hear about the crab that went to the seafood disco? He pulled a muscle
A cow usually prefers to eat moo-sli for breakfast.
What did the blind man say after being handed a cheese grater? "That's the most violent book I've ever read."
When the baby onion died just after being born, the doctors classified it as an o-neonatal death.
What did the tortilla chip say to the avocado when the dip bowl was empty?
“We’ve hit guac bottom!”
I was throwing oranges at tropical birds. One of them caught one then said: “Toucan play that game”
"Are you sure about this?"
"Crust me, I'm on a roll."
If you are wondering about a peach's favorite video game, well it's definitely 'Super Princess Peach'.
If you’re looking for potato puns, you can count on me to chip in.
Where does a potato go to college? DeFry
When it started raining, I spotted a potato across the road pretty fast and I wondered what’s up? It wasn’t long before I saw a fork up ahead.
Where's the best place to get information about eggs?
The hen-cyclopedia.
The other day I asked an Alaskan guy if he wanted to eat some seal meat.
He wasn’t really inuit
What do butchers say after they meet someone new? “Mince to meat you.”
I'm not too fond of not finishing my entire bowl of cereal. I think I have irritable bowl syndrome.
I ran out of toilet paper, so started wiping using lettuce leaves
But I'm scared this is the tip of the iceberg.
Me and my sister used to be like peas in a pod, but recently she's become too snap-pea.
My mother told me to leave the peach cobbler alone on the table. But I couldn't help but watch the cobbler make the beautiful peach shoes.
What is the best way to cook alligator meat? With a croc pot!
What vegetable did King Arthur pull from the stone?
Exparagus.
Why did the donut go to a therapist?
He felt empty inside.
What did the banana say to the monkey? Nothing, bananas can't talk!