Two peanuts were walking down the road but only one was attacked. They suspect the reason was the other was unsalted.
What does a cat lady say on Friday night?
I am drinking wine and feline fine!
What do you call a cow that has 2 legs? Side of beef
Vegans really have a beef with meat.
What kind of chocolate do they sell at the airport? Plane Chocolate!
Why did the orange cry?
Someone hurt its peelings.
What does a man consider a seven-course meal? A hot dog and a six pack of beer.
Have you heard about the pig who killed his own farmer? He did it to save his bacon.
Why are some cake jokes not as good as the others?
They tend to grow mold.
A musical strawberry jam that knows how to play the trumpet is called Tooty fruity.
What do you say happened to an onion who got what it deserved? You say it got karma-lized.
Did you hear about the race between the lettuce and the tomato?
The lettuce was ahead while the tomato tried to ketchup.
I thought of a new joke that started in a corn field.
But I'm not going to post it bc it's too corny.
How can you tell that a blondes been baking chocolate chip cookies? Theres M&M shells all over the floor.
Where did the onion find his family history?
In the archives
What do you call a fruity pop star? Katy Peary.
Why did the farmer buy a brown cow?
He wanted chocolate milk.
Why was the birthday cake as hard as a rock?
Because it was marble cake!
Which nut is the best at playing tag?
Catch-yous aka cashews.
Many people have puns, but they will nut tella you.
What kind of eggs does a confused chicken lay?
Scrambled eggs.
What's the hardest tea to swallow?
Reality.
If fish is a type of brain food, then dumb people probably love eating noodle soup.
How do you make dog bread?
Just use collie flour.
I saw a fruit running from the police recently
It was a water felon.
What is the difference between a cow that produces normal milk and a cow that produces chocolate milk?
A mootation
Why didn’t I believe what the cheese salesman told me?
It was too gouda to be true.
I asked my nectarine friend how she was doing after her break up and she said 'It's the pits, man.'
I was souper excited to hear some soup puns for the comic chef - but his performance did not excite miso much.
"Here for the right riesling."
Where do bugs go to watch the big game? Apple-Bees.
What type of a computer does a horse like to eat? A Macintosh
Do you know what the common thing between a pineapple and a king is? Both of them wear a crown proudly on their top.
Which vegetable is most likely to be your friend?
The broccoli.
What group of cheese has been known to fly? Curds of prey!
What do fruits do when they are avoiding a problem? They cherry their heads in the sand.
I felt like telling you the joke about a strawberry jam on a piece of bread, but I won't. You might go around spreading it.
What is a pirate’s favorite cheese?
Ched-arrrrgh!
No one understands me when i say I like to paint peas in a cage.
I don’t what is so hard about it. I’m a trapped peas artist.
Why are tomatoes the slowest vegetable?
Because they can’t ketchup.
On my farm, an entire lot of onions had some allergic reactions that broke out in chives!
What is John Lennon's favorite donut? Strawberry' Filled Forever.'
What kind of salad do termites eat?
House salad
What do they serve at birthday parties in heaven? Angel food cake, of course!
He was showing off his new gaming gadget, "it has the latest peach recognition technology" he said.
I don’t wanna taco ‘bout it
What kind of tea do babies drink? Tit Tea.
What's brown and rhymes with Snoop?
French onion soup.
Meat cutters are really no good at stand up comedy; they tend to butcher all the best jokes.
Why was the bread actor so unhappy?
She lost out on a juicy roll.