What kind of cheese protects a castle?
Moat-zarella.
My heart is like an onion...
I'm never getting a discount organ transplant again
What Welsh cheese must you always eat with caution? Caerphilly
How do little avocados get what they want?
They spread it on thick.
Why don't the Maple Leafs drink tea? Because the Canadiens and Red Wings have all the cups.
Why was the sweet potato too shy to ask out the russet potato? Because he was a real spud.
What is a monkey's favorite cookie? Chocolate chimp!
Why did the pig go into the kitchen? He felt like bacon.
I yam what I yam.
Which book will be preferred by a man who sells milk? Cream and Punishment.
What is the similarity between a superhero and an onion? They both have layers.
Onions are great gymnasts as they have the advantage of swinging on the onion rings.
I just got over my addiction to chocolate, marshmallows and nuts I won’t lie, it was a Rocky Road.
The jam bank went bankrupt because of the series of strobberies in the last quarter.
Have you heard the new song from the band that entirely consists of vegetables?
It’s a master peas.
What happened to the cheery that showed up for the tomato auditions? He was called an imposter.
Although many other vegetables live above the ground, onions live underground. This is because they have many lairs.
What did you just call me? Just because we’re Dark Chocolate does not give you the right to call us “Snickers”.That’s OUR word.
What is the best way to stop a pizza curling?
Hide its brush.
What’s a Biblical happening for nuts?
“The nut-tivity.“
What's the best Beatles' song to play at a coffee shop? Latte Be.
Why was the baker in a serious panic? He thought that he was in a loaf or death situation.
What kind of beer can you make from a potato?
Spud Light.
You really ate dog meat? How was it?
.... ruff
Meat cutters are really no good at stand up comedy; they tend to butcher all the best jokes.
An egg walks into a bar...
And makes a real mess.
The bowl of soup you bought yesterday from the Chinese restaurant was souper terrible.
What is the executioner’s favorite vegetable?
A head of lettuce.
A chap goes to see the doctor with salt on one ear and pepper on the other. The doctor says, “You need to start eating more sensibly”.
"It's wine o'clock."
At a meeting, Mr. Tomato asked Mr. Peach, "Can you give me the peach cobbler's number, I need to mend my shoes".
My friend thought ketchup didn’t exist
So I told him to check his sauces.
I am a peach, and when my husband accompanies me, we are a pear.
Why did the cherry go to the good drinks factory? It was cordially invited.
Where do bugs go to watch the big game? Apple-Bees.
When she spotted fake ramen in her soup, she said, “ This soup has impasta in it.”
What did the pinecone say to the pineapple? Nice to meet juice.
Why are lemons safer than limes?
There’s no such thing as lemon’s disease.
A cup of coffee is the ideal start to a brew-tiful morning!
The nectarine academic is doing a Ph.D. in 'Peach and Language Psychology' from the University of Georgia.
What do you call a sad cup of coffee? A depresso.
When should you go on a cheese diet? If you need to cheddar a few pounds
How do you get a Minecraft themed party started? Let them eat cake.
I tried out a lactose free diet. I stopped because I couldn’t figure out how to milk the almonds.
Why did the principal bring Clam Chowder to school? For the Soup-erintendent.
What does a cat like to eat on his birthday? Mice cream and cake!
How does bread woo a lover?
With lots of flours.
Why didn’t the mom peanut give her children a nutty chocolate bar? Because the sugar makes them bounce off the wal-nuts.
The orange said to the melon, “You are one in a melon.” The melon replied, “You are so appealing.”
I went to the store today and bought some really oddly shaped eggs.
Now I can't find them. I think they've been mislaid.